‘Scandal’ Recap – “Thwack!” (S5:E17)

*If you have already watched the episode then you already know what’s coming so please bear with me on this recap, it was a struggle. It was either going to be very short or very long, clearly it was the latter. I attempted some levity where I could. Whew!

(1) We already knew it was going to be some major ish because we got that “due to adult content, viewer discretion is advised” warning. Still we’ve gotten that before so I was ready for something but not super concerned about it. So so naive.

(2) We discover that Ethan has been tailing Lillian Forrester (‘member that’s the woman who reminded Fitz of his libido.) She’s been visiting a medical clinic. Initially Abby thinks Lillian is pregnant to which I was like WAIT, WHAT? THIS FOOL WASN’T USING A CONDOM?? Turns out it’s not that, to quote Abby it is “much, much worse.”

(3) Over at OPA, Mellie is gloating about polling well and Liv is like slow down Ma, you still have a lot of ground to cover. Tells her she needs to go after the Latino vote. One path to this constituency is supporting immigration and God. The goal is to get an endorsement from Cardinal Suarez. Liv also tells her to never, ever, nevah, EVAH speak Spanish to anyone, anywhere, not in a house, not with a mouse, not in a box, not with a fox. But seriously can Liv run Hillary’s campaign?? PLEASE???

(4) Of course Abby calls Liv when there’s trouble of this magnitude. And “trouble” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Oh sh*t. Vice President Andrew is awake and talking. This is baaaaaad.

(5) Totally fine with Jon Tenney (VP Andrew) being nominated for an Emmy. Totally fine with it. Even re-watching it I’m still completely captivated from the moment he starts talking. Liv and Andrew “catch up.” Andrew is happy to be talking again but he is very clear that this whole “peeing in a tube, crapping in a bag” thing sucks – oh yeah, he’s ready to make mofos pay.

When Liv said: “Look. This is not the way. I assure you Andrew. It is not the way, because this time you’re not just up against Fitz and Cyrus and Mellie, you’re up against me, the b*tch you left for dead” my eyes went wide and I emitted a very faint “oh.”


Also I totally forgot that Liv didn’t know that his stroke was orchestrated. Well she’s about to find out the truth soon….

(6) Ahhhh the VP Andrew Cabal is back together – Liz, Mellie, Fitz, David, Abby, Cyrus and Liv. Almost amusing how the location may change and a new person may get added or someone drops off but Liv, Mellie and Cyrus are constants. Dem three stay mixed up in some messy ish.

Although, THIS time even though Cyrus is present, turns out he has immunity so he’s just there to giggle while they try and figure out what to do. Such an a*s. The subject of who put the syringe in Andrew’s neck comes up. #Crickets


Y’all know Liz’s gangsta a*s is the one who finally brings up the most obvious solution. Take that slurred speech talking fool out once and for all. David says he is going to cover his ears. Right, cause you’re a choirboy, pullease! Shaddup David. Fitz says no immediately. Abby is not down either because “we’re not animals.” With force, Liv says: “If we kill Andrew, we are no better than he is.” She looks to Fitz for affirmation which he promptly delivers.

Abby makes a decision to take control of the meeting. Goes back to the idea Mellie proposed of her talking to Andrew. Abby is now on board with that move. Also adds that all physical evidence needs to be shredded, doused in kerosene and set on fire. Gonna make Lillian work for it!

Fitz stops Liv before she leaves to thank her for coming when he called. Liv: “You didn’t call, Abby did.” #Whelp

(7) Q. Why don’t they try and muscle Lillian? Is that not a viable option? Hmmm, maybe it’s not feasible given that she’s a reporter and the newspaper has already been apprised of the story. Still, can they get some dirt on her? Her family? Something??!! I been down since Day One, I know how y’all do! Moving on…

(8) Liv in lying in her bed and wakes up to music playing in her living room. Confession, I actually did for two seconds think that someone might be in Liv’s apartment. Me: “Wth, is it Jake?? What if it isn’t?? Where’s her gun? Did she take those damn tae kwon do classes like I begged her to do several seasons ago??? WHAT IS GOING ON??” Then they flashed back to that damn kidnapped hallway and I was like oh this heffa is having a nightmare. Okay.

(9) It’s morning now. Liv gets dressed and races into OPA and heads straight to Huck: “You told Harpo to beat me!” Damn sorry I did it again, wrong movie: “Huck! It was you! Right? You put Andrew in that coma.” Why is Huck wearing the expression of a dog who just got yelled at for peeing on the carpet? Liv tells him to refrain from finishing the job #DoNotKillHim

(10) On cue, Liz corners Huck in a parking lot with the intel re where Andrew is posted up. Huck tries to keep it moving but Liz makes it about Liv being taken down which of course Huck responds to. Me yelling at the screen: “Do not unleash The Huck!”

It is JUST now the first commercial break and I am speechless. No idea what is about to happen next and I’m real nervous.

(11) Hop over to Gov Frankie’s camp where Alex has put together a campaign ad for his brother. The Gov doesn’t want to capitalize on the dead bodies that made him a national name. Cyrus suggests they allow other people to use the footage via social media “Clog peoples feeds or whatever they call it.” Alex is aggravated but agrees. He checks out the footage again and sees Tom which makes him go “hmmmmm.”

(12) Mellie goes to visit Andrew. Oh she’s good. Does she really believe this malarkey coming out of her mouth? “I cared about you. Maybe this happened so that you and I could have another chance.” SAY WORD?? Wait. What da hell?? Ewwwwww!! Did he just try and push her hand down HIS PANTS??? MOFO WHAT? Like seriously? Right now?? He’s disgusting. Mellie got her a*s outta there right quick!

(13) Mellie is doing that “woe is me, everything is terrible, I’m never gonna be President, blah blah blah” thing again while Liv’s brain is short circuiting with those kidnapped memories on a loop. Should have been don’ gone to therapy! Smdh. Liv yells at Mellie to shut the fck up and sit the fck down. She didn’t say “fck”, I did, but I know she wanted to say it. Y’all know she wanted to say it. Liv told her to wait and let Liv do what she does best. #HandleShit!

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(14) Lately, more often than not, “handing ish” has meant running to her father for help and sure enough, on his doorstep she arrives. Nothing good EVER comes from Papa Pope’s counsel/involvement. Nuthin!

And I’m just gonna say it. I think Papa Pope set this ish up. He had to know Andrew was still alive because Papa Pope knows EVERYTHING. I think he tipped off Lilian. I would bet money on it! Call me paranoid if you want to but that ain’t a far-fetched idea.

AND as always, Joe Morton’s scenes are masterful:

PP: “I can put someone on her, hack into her computer, but if I want up-to-the-minute intel on what she’s doing, who she’s talking to, what she’s ready to print, when she’s ready to print…”
Jake: “It’s nice having a friend in the NSA, isn’t it?”
Liv: “Friend” might be putting it strongly.”
PP: “We will do your bidding. Listen in on Lillian. Say thank you.”
Liv: “Thank you.”
PP: “When it fails, you’ll be left with one option… and one option only.”
Liv: “I am not you, Dad. In my world, if someone’s in your way, you out think them. You don’t end them. It’s not who I am.” THIS!

Then THIS:

PP: “You see what she did there, Jake? How she referred to “her world” like it’s something different from ours? It’s as if she’s forgotten that we’re her family and this is her home. We’ll listen in on your reporter, Olivia, do you that favor, but when you reach the bottom of your bag of tricks, the ones that you use in your world so you’re still able to sleep at night and Andrew is still talking and the world is about to end and there’s no time left to stop it, don’t say… I didn’t warn you.” BAM!

And Jake with this food, C-O-M-E-D-Y!

(15) WHEW! Huck didn’t kill Andrew, just knocked him out and deposited him in a White House bunker. Andrew had some stupid ish to say about people trying to kill him. Huck was like “I didn’t TRY to kill you, I know HOW to kill people” LOL! Totally needed that comic relief cause this episode is tense af!

(16) Liv is trying to get through to Andrew’s insane a*s. What is it going to take to get you to drop this nonsense. He says he’s going to write a book. Liv: “Nobody wants to read that book. You kidnapped me and tried to overthrow the government.” Basically fck you AND that wheelchair you’re in. Dis lunatic already has a title. He wants $10M AND he wants Liv to represent him in the book deal. What kinda fck sh*t is this??? I can’t.

(17) Liv rolls into OPA rocking a bold yellow jacket. Marcus has been trying to reach her like for-ever cause he managed to execute his task and Cardinal Suarez has been posted up in Liv’s office for the last 20 something minutes. Poor Marcus, he just wants to be included.


(18) Alex is sh*tty that Cyrus is usurping his spot and he is not letting this Tom situation go. He is still investigating.

(19) Well well well Jake and Papa Pope came through (I still think PP is behind this). These two and food! Just sitting at the dinner table casually listening to the playback of their bugging operation. Diabolical. Devils gotta eat too I guess.

(20) The Cabal meets again. Liv relays the 48 hr window they have to shut Andrew up. The issue is who is going to put up the 10M. Cyrus puts in $1: “This is NOT my problem.” He is such. an. ASS! (Again still providing a bit of needed comic relief tho.) Apparently Liz is BALLIN’ – heffa said she’s good for 5M cause she’s been a Republican her whole life. Abby and David are broke and can’t put in a dime to which Cyrus says “that’s because you guys are Democrats.” Can we pause for a minute and just let that marinate. Just whoa. Continuing, Abby properly points out that Liv is not going to pay her kidnapper. Mellie said she’s paid enough and ain’t forking over one red cent. Finally Fitz has a quick exchange with Abby and decides to put up the other 5M. #SteppingUp

(21) Liv, Huck and Abby meet with Andrew again to do the exchange, get him to recant and sign a NDA. Andrew is a fully committed and twisted mofo who now wants $20B and an apple pie and a horse so he can watch Abby and Liv clean the stable. He is showing his entire stroked ass right now! Oh hell, Liv’s brain is spazzing again while he’s talking. This degenerate then wipes his mouth with the NDA.

Fyi, at this point in the episode, the tension has me rooted to my sofa. Can’t move and my breathing is shallow.

(22) Back to the drawing board, Abby thinks offering Andrew a job is a possibility. Girl, stop. That ain’t gon’ work. Fitz agrees with me and decides that he is going to take the blame for everything. Abby ain’t trying to hear that. He orders her to follow his damn instructions and make the damn deal. Abby is about to be a problem…

(23) OF course Abby ends up on Liv’s sofa. She wants Liv to come back to the White House and do that “Olivia Pope” thing she does to get Fitz to man up because Abby thinks this idea “is weak.” Liv disagrees with Abby. She thinks the idea is perfect. Fitz is being a “leader, presidential.” All the sacrifices, the bloodshed, the super shady deals that the team has done on his behalf – yeah it’s time for him to man up alright. He is taking “responsibility” and is showing “integrity” – basically Liv is all for it and she is finally smiling.

Even before Abby responded, I already knew she wasn’t trying to hear this ish because she is now too close to the Oval. That ish is in her bloodstream. Sure enough, she ain’t trying to hear it. She repeats her “big dog/monster” mantra from an episode or so ago then asks, “What’s the point of being a monster if you’ve got no teeth?” This big dog/monster convo is even more interesting considering her earlier declaration of not being an animal. Guess you’re one when it suits you huh girlie?

Oh God, oh God, oh God! Just writing about it is making my heart beat fast again. Liv’s response? Geezus… She laughed and said “You were never a monster, you’re Abby.” Pause. Dear God WHAT??? Not gonna front y’all, I literally said “oh shit no she didn’t.” The look on Abby’s face after that statement alone was enough but Liv’s next line? “And you can always come back and work for me” LAWD! Why God WHY???? Now THAT was the icing on the “head b*tch in charge” cake. Damn Liv, just damn.


(24) Abby bounces. Liv thinks this has been handled. It’s only about to get worse and I don’t have enough liquor in my house for what’s coming next. I need a drink right now while I’m trying to finish this thing. Whew!!!

(25) Abby is lying in bed, stewing. Next day she pays Andrew a visit. To be honest, for a quick second I wondered if she was going to take him out herself but nah she just has a folder and is down there to make a deal.

(26) THEN we get another “adult content, discretion, etc” warning. Trouble, trouble, trouble is a-coming. I don’t remember ever getting two warnings during an episode before, anyone else?

(27) Liv tells Mellie what Fitz is ’bout to do. Mellie’s a*s is giddy. Liv tells Mellie to stop being giddy. Mellie is like “whatever, I’m going to relish this moment.” Jake calls Liv to update her on the latest info from the bug. And another “oh shit” from me, Lillian has a new headline that will blow up Mellie’s world: “One Affair, Many Lies.” Hot damn. Liv figures out someone made a deal. Clearly.

(28) Liv immediately heads to Abby’s office to figure out what the hell is going. For the record, I don’t like Liv’s jacket, never a fan of the bulky look on her, not flattering. Anyway, Liv thinks it was Liz North. Liv starts doing that mile-a-minute monologue thing she does when she’s problem-solving. Abby’s a*s is just listening, not saying one word. Damn, I need to exhale again. Maaaaan watching Liv’s face as she figures it out – great work Kerry. When the magnitude of the betrayal hits her, “I” felt it too. Truth is I was waiting for them to fall out given Abby’s new position and this Susan v. Mellie situation but I didn’t think it would be like this. Just wow.

Yes Liv was a total b*tch to her the night before but I know she didn’t see this coming. It wasn’t just to continue to protect the current Oval, this also benefits Susan’s campaign. Abby, Abby, Abby. It still took Liv a minute to process. She wants to know who made Abby do this. HA! I’ve now lost count of how many times I’ve said “oh shit” while watching this episode. When Abby told Liv that she was revoking her White House pass, that Liv worked for HER and then dismissed her, I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing again.

Sidebar: People STAY revoking Liv’s White House access, ungrateful bastards! Sorry I digressed momentarily. Again, Liv’s reaction to being dismissed – EXCELLENT work Kerry! Emmy!! And yep, her mind is back in that damn tunnel.

(29) Marcus locked in the Cardinal for Mellie. Unfortunately Liv is all types of messed up right now. He asks her what’s wrong and she almost confides in him but checks herself. Poor Marcus, he’s just trying to help. But Liv knows where to go for help. Quick phone call to her ex-lover/brother (whomever the hell he is at this point) and she’s back inside the White House. Oh Abby, you really didn’t think this through did you? Sigh.

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(30) Abby has to update Fitz on her power move. Fitz ALWAYS has someone undermining his a*s in that d*mn office. E’rybody wanna be the President but no one actually wants to run for the office. Ridiculous.

(31) Sidebar: Jake giving Liv his WH pass made me remember being back in school and using someone else’s ID to get in the dorm. I needed that fond memory cause ish is really about to hit the fan and it was difficult to deal with it the first time around. Sigh…

(32) Y’all peeped that Liv power walked herself back to that bunker? Like that’s not even a runway walk. That is now a patented Olivia “Sh*t is about to get handled” Pope walk.

(33) Liv to Andrew: “I’m giving you a chance to change your mind since Abby did such a good job of exploiting your weak a*s. A skill she probably learned that from me.” All I hear is danger in Liv’s voice. That’s it. I don’t hear anything else.

Okay that’s not true, I did hear every single word of Andrew’s absolutely horrible monologue. Vile. For the umpteenth time, I stopped breathing.

Andrew: “You talk this much in bed? You this… chatty on your hands and knees? That big mouth of yours work as hard as it does right now? Underneath those expensive clothes… you’re just another cheap slut who thinks she’s something better than that. Always surprised me how much you went for. What’s an aging porn star go for? The kind that work the strip clubs in Reno, Atlantic City… The ones available for private meetings. What do they go for? $500?”

World stopped.

Y’all know what happened next. I couldn’t even watch it a second time. Still shook. I mean she did it. She took that ahole out in a White House bunker. Olivia Pope murdered someone. Gruesome style. Geezus.

Maaaaaaan Fitz’s “are you okay” almost had me in tears. Once again, you just saw their connection. Arrrrggggh!!! Too much emotion in this episode! IT’S TOO MUCH SHONDA!!! Then Abby walks her a*s in the room. Un huh, you didn’t see that coming did you “Big Dog”??? Y’all see Liv push Fitz away before addressing Abby? Gave that heffa her marching orders and then said very clearly:


I. Am. Spent.

(34) Soundtrack: Diana Ross “Do You Know” So fitting!

(35) LOVE seeing Ms. Kimrie Lewis Davis a.k.a. “ASHLEY” reporting the news on Scandal!! The one legit bright spot in this whole episode!

(36) Quinn and Huck pick up Liv. Quinn is shook. She looks even more shook when Liv asked to be dropped off at Papa Pope’s house. Where else is she gonna go??

(37) End of show wrap up, various reporters discussing Andrew’s death, Liz gives a quick interview, Mellie meets with the Cardinal and OMG CYRUS AND TOM IN THE BED TOGETHER was EXACTLY what I needed to see right now!! The two of them all cuddled up and cozy with Tom playing in Cy’s hair while Cy eats brownies and chuckles at the reporting of Andrew’s death – YESSSSSSSS!! This show is NUTS AND I LOVE IT!

(38) Aaaaaand back to Scandal reality. Alex went to Cy’s house to tell Michael about Tom. Come on Michael, don’t be a fool, you already know your marriage is sham. Fools die on this show. Easily.

(39) This is my last “Poor Marcus” – he is still mad because he is still being kept out of the loop. But honestly he’s a smart dude he has enough insight to know they do some treacherous sh*t and he should be smart enough to understand that it’s best if he doesn’t know too much. Hell I don’t want to know half the stuff I know at this point. He’s the last good guy they got. #TheLastGladiator

(40) And yes! I do still think Papa Pope put this whole thing in motion so Liv would kill that bastard. Greeting her at the door talking ’bout “welcome home” HMPF!

Q. How Papa Pope’s house gon’ look all gingerbread-ish? Like a nice man lives there. HA! Also, has he always had a red door? I feel like the answer is yes. DEEP SHONDA!!!! DEEP!!

Coming up in two weeks: Curly haired Liv continues to lose her mind while posted up with her father and brother-lover. Lawd. I need this break. WHEW!

'‘Scandal’ Recap – “Thwack!” (S5:E17)' have 2 comments

  1. April 21, 2016 @ 5:03 pm S.

    I think I read that she…beat a disabled man to death? So, she decided to literally become a gladiator in a suit


    • April 22, 2016 @ 5:11 pm CM

      That is EXACTLY what happened. I mean he deserved it but still it was insane to watch.


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