‘Scandal’ Recap – “The Fish Rots From The Head” (S5:E13)

(1) Episode opens with Mellie signing copies of her book. Liv walks into the room rocking a very fashionable gray with red stripes top and is less than enthused re the picture Mellie selected for the jacket cover but she keeps it moving. Mellie wants advice re her next move, Liv has to remind Mellie that she isn’t “officially” running her campaign. Mellie is like “girl please, strategy time!” Liv did a very professional eye roll and told her she needs Fitz to not endorse VP Susan. Mellie: ‘Well he damn sure ain’t gonna endorse me.’ Liv: ‘You don’t need him to endorse you, you just need him to NOT endorse Susan.” #NeutralFitz

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(2) Speaking of Fitz and “officially”, Fitz is OFFICIALLY hoe-ing!! Abby got her protocol in place and boy he is utilizing the hell out of it. Cellphones and cameras are removed, a non-disclosure agreement gets signed, and they use the service elevator #LikeClockwork

Note: I ain’t see no black chicks tho… #SipsTea

(3) Cyrus and Tom are in a limo. Tom is fixing Cyrus’ tie and is sitting especially close to him. Maybe it’s because of the tie fixing maybe it’s something else… Okay I was trying to let this go but Shonda is giving me too much to work with – Is Cyrus hitting that???

(4) Cyrus is having lunch with Governor Frankie when former VP Sally shows up and says “Well I didn’t see you there little Cyrus Beene” I HOWLED!! Sally wants the Gov to come on her show. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s like noble and whatnot. Finally he flat out asks Cyrus what’s up. Gov ain’t no idiot but Cyrus is VERY good at what he does. He hits the Gov with a speech about how he should “rise above tragedy” and how it’s important to Cyrus to be “a good public servant” and help him get his message out. Cyrus AIN’T SHIT! Then, the icing on the cake, Cyrus invites the Gov back to the White House to talk with Fitz about the Gov’s education bill #ISmellASetUp #BecauseCyrus

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(5) I LOVE LIV’S JACKET!!!! This white, yellow and black number YAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!

(6) Sorry I digressed. Continuing, a few of the fellas from Secret Service had a party, ish “got out of hand” and Abby had to call Liv. OPA arrives at the hotel, turns out there is a “dead hooker” (Megan). Smdh. Liv gives Quinn a nod and she goes into “handle it” mode. Orders the Secret Service aholes elsewhere, tells “Fantasia” I mean Erin (the not dead hooker) that she was never there, instructs Huck to erase Megan’s digital profile and she and Marcus will scrub her phone. #HandlingIt

(7) Marcus: “We’re really gonna cover this up?” This from the man who was sleeping with his opponent’s wife and she came up dead while he was there. He saw how that got handled, don’t be acting brand new now Marcus. On the other hand, Liv really does just seem to be over all of it. Liv: “It was an accident. She was a hooker, so yes.” Damn that’s cold Liv. You need a hug?

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(8) Soundtrack: Parliament Funkadelic’s “Give Up The Funk” starts playing. Shonda play too much.

(9) Oh good grief! Liv has Abby meet her while she is stalking Jake who is on a date with his girlfriend. Come on Liv, I don’t need you being the crazy ex-girlfriend right now. That’s beneath you girl! GET YOUR LIFE!

(10) Dossier re Jake’s new new: Vanessa Moss, lawyer, all pro bono human rights work, Rhodes scholar, debutante, yada yada, basically she’s perfect and Liv is beside herself. Sigh. I can’t watch this. What Abby said, this ain’t healthy Liv, not at all. #WhereIsMamaPope??

(11) I know this is Scandal and I know they are over the top but Liv just real matter of factly told Abby that Jake “killed someone” to get his new job. So you just gon’ drop that info while I’m sitting in your car while you’re stalking him? Yeah I’m good, y’all crazy #ByeGirl

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(12) David and Susan are in bed together. Susan is rocking a lingerie set. You betta get your sexy on Susan!! David: ‘You want Fitz’s endorsement.’ Susan: ‘Ummm actually I don’t. He’s being a whore right now and I don’t want his stank to continue to taint me.’ Susan is sticking to her values y’all!! Good for you Susan! Ugh, she is gonna be CRUSHED when she finds out about David. I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch (Ha! Who am I kidding? Gonna be right here on my sofa #Rapt!)

(13) On cue, next scene is David and Liz walking into David’s office with Liz complaining about Susan (again). She does her dominatrix thing on David and all resistance is futile #Whipped

(14) Cyrus lies to Fitz to get him to meet with Governor Frankie again. He stay playing folks. The meeting didn’t go well. Now the Governor is mad and is itching to go on Sally’s crazy show. Cy’s maneuvering is masterful!

(15) Quinn thinks Liv is bored talking about how she couldn’t wait to get out of that hotel room. Huck is like ‘you need to quit, there was a dead body, Liv doesn’t like dead bodies.’ I mean I know right?? Only you two twisted cats are cool with that ish. Gross. Why did I laugh so hard when Huck said Jake was being “shady.” DEAD! Anyway, Quinn is convinced that Liv misses the White House. I think Huck thinks Liv is missing Jake’s good good #Ahem…

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(16) Marcus ain’t letting this alleged accidental dead hooker’s death go. He’s on a mission. Sleuth it Marcus!

(17) The governor is on Sally’s show. They show the clip of him taking out the shooter. And again I have to ask so NO ONE has yet to question WHY the shooter looked over his shoulder AFTER the shot was fired?? REALLY??? Fine, I’ll keep waiting but I’m not happy about it.

(18) Cut to Cyrus watching the show from home while HIS former hooker husband practices braiding hair on a doll. No black child but we got a black doll, guess that’s as close as we’re gonna get to seeing Ella. Chile gon’ be in high school by the time we see her again. We haven’t forgotten about you Ella, we miss you!!!

(19) Gov Frankie says he has ZERO INTEREST in running for office. This is news to Cyrus who calls Tom to get some more intel. Cy’s husband tries to casually ask “who’s Tom?” SEE! I’m not the only with my suspicions. Maybe Tom wasn’t in love with Liv. Maybe Tom was just infatuated like e’rybody else. Maybe Tom is an opportunist. He’s managed to stay alive this long sooooo…

(20) Cyrus gets Liz to convince the President to have Susan also go on Sally’s show to refute what Gov Frankie said about the terribleness of Fitz’s education bill. #Mastermind

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(21) Marcus is still on it and got the autopsy report. Liv, rocking another lovely color, doesn’t care. UPDATE: One of my FB friends pointed out that Liv is rocking Michelle Obama’s State of the Union dress!!! I totally missed that! Thanks Chantia!!!

(22) Mellie shows up at the White House with Teddy in tow. Teddy is ADORABLE! What wasn’t adorable was Fitz’s current lay of the day sporting a White House robe and coming into the room. Understandably so Mellie has a controlled coniption fit and leaves with Teddy. Two things, (a) this is what happens when you show up unexpectedly and (b) it’s the damn White House! Clearly someone told Fitz Mellie was coming so why on earth did he allow Lisa from Treasury to even linger?? Wtf?? He should have gotten her outta there. He can’t even hoe right. #Stupid

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(23) Oh, now this is RICH! Mellie complaining to Liv about Fitz’s hoe-ing #HisHornyship Mellie says something about Secret Service covering it up which of course makes Liv start thinking about dead hooker Megan. Mellie misinterprets the look on Liv’s face and asks her if this convo is making her jealous. Mellie: “I’m used to it but it used to be YOU in the bathroom robe sooo….” WOOOOOOOOW!

(24) Susan is mad that Liz booked her on Sally’s show without talking to her first. Duh. David randomly shows up with flowers for Susan apparently to Liz’s surprise. They force David to settle the quarrel. He’s going to have a heart attack playing this game.

(25) On Sally’s set Liz is all up in the mix. Someone from production politely asked her to take a small step back from the monitor, Liz’s response? “I will literally murder you.” LMAO!! I don’t like her but at times I love her #ItHappens

(26) Susan capitulates and trashes Governor Frankie’s education bill and the corruption of her soul begins. Damn shame.

(27) Shot of Fitz and Next Chick post coitus (yep there’s that word again). This one is a journalist (smart Fitz, real smart) and she would love a comment re how he feels about Liv helping Mellie with her campaign. Well that’s news to him so #NoComment

(28) Turns out Gov Frankie’s daughter has cancer and that’s why he doesn’t want to run. Ethan’s ass should be fired. That intel should have been in the initial dossier. #Sloppy!

(29) Cyrus invites the Governor to his house to tell him it’s cool for him to fall back, not run, etc. Cyrus tells this story about a horrible accident involving his younger brother. He is so twisted that I can’t tell if it’s true or not. Damn him!

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(30) Sooooo this next scene… Umm with Liv & Jake… In her bedroom… For a split second I didn’t feel grown enough to be watching it, like had I not been home by myself I might have gotten in trouble for watching it if someone else came into the room. Whew! Just WHEW!!

(a) It’s the middle of the night, Liv is sleeping alone in her bed, she wakes up to find Jake’s creepy a*s sitting at the foot of her bed. Maaaaaaaaaaan immediate cardiac arrest!

(b) Jake: ‘I know you’ve been following me. I’m the head of the NSA. Come now.’ Liv threatens to call the cops. Me: ‘Girl just stop it already, you sound ridiculous.’ Jake asks Liv what she thinks of his girlfriend. He starts running down her resume. I can’t with this. Then he moves closer to Liv. Whaaaaaaat is he about to do…????

(c) Oh shit. He says “she’s perfect. but she’s not you.” DAMN STRAIGHT SHE AIN’T LIV! But real talk, Liv is on one right now so perhaps you’re better off. I’m just saying. He continues: “Of course, no one will ever do for you what I can do for you.” Oooooohhh ummmm ooooooohhh THEN HE SLIDES HIS HAND UNDER THE COVER! Liv gon’ ask “what are you doing?” Me: ‘GIRL I SAID STOP IT!!’ Jake: “You know what i’m doing.” RIGHT JAKE! SHE KNOW! SHE. KNOW! Lawd dis tew much!!!

(d) Jake: “All you have to do is say the word. All you have to do is fight how good this feels, fight everything in your body saying it to you and tell me to stop and I will. (Liv reacts – I mean she REACTS!) Jake: “That look on your face right now, that is why i’m here. I need you.” I’m done y’all DONE!!

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(e) Liv FINALLY stops him and asks him what he’s up to, he says “Goodbye Liv.” LAWD!! I need a minute y’all, just one minute. (*looks for a cigarette remembers that I don’t smoke, pours a shot of whiskey, ahhhhhhh)

(31) Marcus and Quinn meet up with live hooker Erin. They get her to come clean about that night in the hotel. She says she’s cool with being paid for sex but she ain’t no snitch #Principles But it’s more likely that she knows “snitch get stitches” anyway she eventually comes clean.

(32) Liv is rocking a coat I don’t like. She is at the White House telling Abby about how dead hooker Megan ended up dead and that Secret Service shouldn’t get away with it. Folks keep pointing out that OPA protects their clients yada yada and Abby says the same thing until Liv points out that actually ABBY is the client so now what you wanna do?? Un huh…

(33) But seriously, I REALLY don’t like Liv’s coat. It looks like a picnic table cloth and it makes her look boxy. I think that’s the word I want.

(34) Next stop on her White House visit, the oval to meet with Fitz. They are awk-ward…

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(34.1) But before she goes, she delivers a speech to his hoe-ing a*s. “The fish rots from the head. Your boys in the Secret Service, they’re taking their cues from you because you’re the head of the fish. Reckless, negligent selfish. You’re letting things getting out of hand and your boys are following.” She kept going, mentioned Teddy seeing that woman in his bedroom and asked him if he is his father now: “Are you Big Jerry now?” #Jugular

(35) Susan and Fitz meet and Fitz tells her to not ever ever never compromise her values. “Never lie to the American people again.” He would certainly know… #BeenThereDoneThat. Susan is relieved and tells him to his face she doesn’t want his endorsement cause #HOE. Thus far Susan’s soul has been repaired although she might go into coma when she finds out about David. That or kill him.

(36) Gov Frankie asks Cyrus to run his campaign for President. Tells Cyrus about his daughter. Cyrus’ speech got to him as it was intended. Damn that Cyrus! I knew he was lying about a brother named Oliver! He ain’t even got no brother! He is an only child!! #Mastermind

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(37) Nooooooo Liv! But why??? She is rocking another coat I am NOT feeling either. Love the color but again it doesn’t work with her shape. She’s too petite for certain cuts. Sigh #WARDROBE!

(38) ANYway, this was another surprise show up. Smh. Y’all already know what happens when someone shows up unannounced on a TV show – nuthin’ good. Sure enough, Jake is there with Vanessa and they are celebrating their engagement. I saw that coming. They ALWAYS check in with you before they get engaged. Well damn near always, ahem… That look on Liv’s face #PRICELESS

And now I gotta worry about Vanessa not winding up dead. She don’t even know what’s coming… #PoorDebutante

SCANDAL



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