‘Scandal’ Recap – “The Candidates” (S5:E11)

(1) Wth? Out the gate the episode opens with something crazy afoot. Cyrus is in Fitz’s bedroom in the middle of the night talking about “sir I have to go” and we go through this whole flashback montage. Shonda it’s too early in the episode for you to be playing with my emotions. GOING WHERE?? Is that why he was talking about that Abby “work wife” stuff???? WHAT IS HAPPENING!

(2) Sorry I had a moment. Next we check in with Liv at work rocking a gorgeous red top with a black and white bold stripe. YAAAAAAASSS!! She’s finished the first half of Mellie’s rewrite. It’s gotten a little better but really it is still NOT working. Liv is a THOROUGH editor y’all.

(3) Liv to Mellie (paraphrasing): “You have to talk about why you stayed.” / Mellie: “Nah” / Liv: “That’s what people want to know girl, hell that’s what I want to know.” Actual quote: “Why did you stay? Why did you lie? Was it ’cause of ambition, or was it for love? What exactly was it about Fitz or the White House or herself that made Mellie Grant turn a blind eye all those years? Did you have a side piece of your own?”

(4) Mellie points out that Liv is masterful at compartmentalizing (it really is a skill, quite useful I might add) and Liv says: “You asked for Olivia Pope. You got Olivia Pope.” YOU BETTA TELL HER LIV!!! THIS IS HOW YOU DO!!!

YouAskedForOliviaPope

(5) Mellie is in OPA’s kitchen smashing some snacks while Marcus is trying to work with Huck and Quinn fact-checking Mellie’s book. Huck is being UN-helpful. He is watching a soccer game.

(6) Shady Lizzie has run some numbers on the feasibility of VP Susan Ross becoming President Susan Ross. Susan is “oh that’s interesting, guess I’m more popular than I thought but the answer is ‘no’ okay goodbye.” #Concise

(7) Abby is trying to convince Fitz to let this journalist – Lillian Forrester – do an in-depth profile on him. Cyrus is against it. Two important things to note: (a) Cyrus said something about her (the journalist) holding a gun to “our” temple and Fitz was like “MY” temple, “me”, “mine” #Singular and (b) We are 6 months out from Iowa (really tired of hearing about Iowa at the moment) so now I kinda get why coming off of winter finale we are 6 months into the year, gotta get this election timeline together! Anyway, Fitz tells Abby to “set it up.” Am I the only one who smells trouuuuuuuble???

(8) Liv is STILL trying to convince Mellie to dish. Yeah Mellie come on girl, DISH!!! SPILL ALL THE TEA!! Where is that damn frog when you need him?? Mellie, who is super cranky and hungry, yells at Liv “it ain’t nobody’s business!” #HangryMellie

Ohhh wait, this is getting goooooood! Liv: “You don’t know why you stayed.” / Mellie: “What about you boo? Do you know why YOU left??” Maaaaaan if these two don’t have an interesting a*s “relationship” #Golly!

(9) And now we get to meet Lillian Forrester. Ooohhh fresh meat, I mean new blood, I mean a new character. Curious if she is here to stay for a while. I don’t like her wig. That is a wig right? #IHazQuestions

Lillian

Abby & Cyrus are meeting with Lillian to layout the terms of how this profile is gonna go. Cyrus is talking about focusing on the present, says “we’re calling this our Year of Achievement”, Abby’s face is like say what now?

(10) Fitz walks in. He and Lillian meet, shake hands. Fitz does that charming thing he does sometimes. Lillian stares at him a little too long. Oh damn. Y’all peeped that exchange right??? She ’bout to be his new new. Lawd! They are FLIRTING!! She/He totally gonna hit that. I’ve been with this show since the beginning, I know these things. Sigh.

Lillian says she wants to know the real Fitzgerald Grant, blah, blah, blah, wants “to write a d*mn good article”, yada yada. She says she has no ulterior motive #Liar

(11) LIV’S SHOES!! I DIE!!! Again, sorry I digress (but her shoes THO!)

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Don’t get distracted by Mellie, focus on the SHOES!

(12) Mellie is finally sharing, says she was “devastated” when she found out about the affair, she fell into a deep depression, thought Liv was just a phase, that she and Fitz could survive a “phase” – so she stayed. Oh wait, this heffa was LYING! Folks stay lying on this show! Mellie asks Liv how that sounded and Liv was like ‘I mean it’s aiiiight.’ Actually the words they used were #Trite and #Untrue

Mellie went from 0 to 100 real damn quick. Told Liv she should see a therapist and screamed at her: “I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!” Like for reals, that really happened.

Oh wow, Mellie told Liv she never had what her and Fitz had. “23 years” bish. Oh yeah y’all had “cheap hotel rooms” and “White House closets” and that ‘not so secret house in Vermont – yeah I knew about that heffa, I KNEW!’ Oh snap! Mellie said Liv was just “a blip on Fitz’s radar, a plaything until trash day rolled around.” Ooooohhhhh #Jugular! Liv was like you need to fallback ma, right now. #Enough!

Then Mellie storms out talking ’bout I’ll send you a check for your services. Smh. Maaaaan, Liv had that full smoldering ‘you bout to lose yo life’ black woman stance on – like heffa I am about .5 seconds from dragging you like Porsha dragged Kenya (for the record that reference will NEVER get old, nevah!)

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Mellie was bout to CATCH IT!

(13) Ugh, Lizzie and David. Is this thing still going on? Liz wants David to convince VP Susan to run. Why is everyone on this show so damn selfish? Liz wants her to run ’cause she wants to be back in the oval her d*mn self.

Damn, Liz called Susan a muppet. Geezus

David’s ass is WHIPPED! Liz is withholding sex unless he gets all up in Susan’s head ’bout this Presidential stuff. I’m seriously not here for him fcking her over. That’s gonna piss me off. Careful David, careful.

(14) David’s whipped a*s springs right into action. Ends up taking Susan to Gettysburger. This isn’t a real place right? Cause at this point I really want to go. I want some freedom fries and union rings. Don’t know about that Double Lincoln tho – sounds heavy.

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(15) Back at the White House, Cyrus comes to the Oval to try and hype Fitz up about not being a lame duck President. “We can still set the world on fire or die trying. Let’s ride out of here with our guns empty, not in the damn holster.” Fitz looks bored. He can be SUCH an a*s sometimes! And so damn dismissive. If you were going to treat Cyrus like a recovering leper then why take him back??

(16) Liv is home alone, sipping on some wine (of course). There’s a knock at the door. Oh good Lord, it’s Jake. Did she call him or did he just show up? This is TWISTED and I don’t like it. Liv DOES need a therapist, can y’all imagine those sessions??

Liv & Jake the aftermath – Liv: “This isn’t happening again.” / Jake: “Yes it is.” ARGH!!! No Liv NO! GET SOME NEW PENIS! I don’t care how y’all feel about Jake. THIS Jake is bad news!

(17) Cyrus finds Mellie in a bar. Oh hell are they about to work together? Again? Mellie: “I came here to be alone.” Cy is like bet, bye! And gets up to leave. Of course Mellie starts talking anyway ’cause she needs to unload all that ish in her head. This crew… Mellie is talking about how “they” can’t EVAH escape Liz & Fitz. Forever chained to them or something like that.

Cyrus automatically goes into Cyrus mode – “You have the most recognizable name in politics, that filibuster stunt is going in the history books, you’re a woman at a time when the country is ready for a woman President”, etc. Mellie straight interrupted him and was like umm so yeah I already have someone to run my campaign so thanks but no thanks. Damn.

Cy’s reaction – Priceless.

It gets better. Mellie starts talking about how “we” made Fitzgerald, how “we” made a President. Cyrus: “WE”??? He repeats “we” again and Mellie gives him this big smile like “yep, we did.” Cyrus is DISGUSTED! Real talk, he gets up, throws some money on the table says “drink up” and rolls the fck out! #ByeMellie

(18) Mellie shows up at Liv’s doorstep with hooch. Liv is rocking a beautiful purple sweater – again LOVING these colors on Liv. Thank YOU!!!

Mellie goes on a diatribe about how she stayed because it was working, the three of them were working. Mellie is all like powerful men suck the life outta you, we all saw the potential in Fitz but I had to work at it. I gave him everything and got nothing in return – except for you Liv:

“I wasn’t devastated or numb or empty, I was a wife, a mother, not my own anything. I deserved you, I warranted you, I justified you. I had lost myself and in return I got you. You were my retribution and it was humiliating. I couldn’t hate you, I hated myself but then I turned a corner. He lusted after you and I got space. I could breathe. I started liking myself again because I was alone. I was free” #FreedomBaby

She continues: “I stayed because it was working.” Also she stayed because Fitz was going to make her President AND she repeats it – I stayed because the three of us worked! This whole time Liv is looking at her like she can’t quite tell if Mellie has had a full psychotic meltdown or perhaps wondering just how drunk she really is – she IS halfway through that hooch.

MellieHooch

Note: most of the above text is verbatim but condensed. I’ll admit I was a bit mystified by her speech in the beginning but overall I got it – especially the freedom part.

Also yes the similarity to Bill and Hillary is VERY interesting but I’m just gonna keep it moving…

(19) Liv finally speaks: “Ummm so you know you can’t actually say ANY of that ANYwhere right? Like nevah evah nevah. Not if you want to be President.”

Mellie “yeah yeah I know, here have some hooch.” Careful Liv, that ish will put hair on your chest!! Cue bonding over booze time #ItHappens

(20) Susan is having a grand time out with David and he is over there just LYING!! “Oh Liz wants you to run? I had no idea.” #LIAR!!

Wow – Susan said she became VP because Mellie lacks character and is a coward. She didn’t want a “worthy opponent” she wanted someone “useless, unthreatening, unpolished, unelectable, she picked a bug she could crush” in a primary fight. Ouch.

Get this, then DAVID’s a*s gets all supportive and savior-like, basically caught up in the moment and kisses her full on the mouth and tells her she is a warrior. If I didn’t know this was all a set up I would be touched.

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(21) Okay now Liv is drunk and Mellie is more drunk and Liv tells Mellie she was “mean and nasty” and of course Mellie is “Duh, wtf?? I was supposed to be nice?? Bish you were THE MISTRESS!” Yeah this exchange is slightly aggravating.

Alright this part was funny – Mellie tells Liv she was a good mistress, probably a great one and Liv’s response: “Well, I am an overachiever. Once I put my mind to something, I commit” HAD ME HOLLERING! Yeah these heffas are D-R-U-N-K!

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(22) Liv’s truth, she was happy Mellie was still around too. She was Liv’s out. “You kept him unavailable. I left for the same reason you stayed because I was scared.” This declaration leads to Liv having a light bulb moment re Mellie’s book. Tells her to write that she was “scared” about standing up for women’s rights because she never thought she could do something like that on her own. Tells her to write she didn’t need some man to give her power because she had it the whole time. PREACH DRUNK LIV! PREACH!

Liv tells Mellie to get to writing. Now! Ummm drunk writing is… well it can come out alright – just gonna have more revisions than usual. I’m just saying…

(23) Super creepy – Cyrus is in Fitz’s bedroom in the middle of the night. I “almost” think he is going to smother him with a pillow. I mean it wouldn’t surprise me if he tried.

CYRUS IS LEAVING!!! NO CY NOOOOOOOOOOO! Cy makes up some lie about a dead cousin and says he has to go. WHERE CY? WHERE YOU GO?? WHY?? I am VERKLEMPT! 🙁

(24) Ahhhh Lillian, almost forgot we had a new character this episode. Annnnnd here we go, Lillian: “I’m sorry, I can’t focus. I have an enormous crush on you.” Bam! There it is. And Fitz is like “Well now that it’s on the table, what’s good Ma? Dinner??” And she just grinning, she don’t even know…. Smh.

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(25) Geezus David. He stood up to Liz for all of maybe 5 seconds. “I won’t manipulate her and you won’t manipulate me. I’m done buying what you’re selling.” Boy please. Liz is like “un huh sure, she filed the paperwork” then she starts unbuttoning her blouse and proceeds to tongue him down. Yes that sounds gross because it was gross to watch. I don’t like them, never have, never well. Also Liz called Susan “Little Bo Veep” – Yeah I snickered. I’m not perfect.

(26) Marcus tries to get through to Huck. Turns out Huck is watching his son play soccer. Marcus is asking the normal questions you would ask a father about his son IF a “normal” father and son relationship existed. Marcus don’t know NUTHIN’ bout this crew.

(27) Back to Mellie’s book. Finally Liv is impressed: “This is good. This is really good. This is everything.”

(28) Book needs to come out now but how? Funny question in 2016, the era of twit lit and blogs and think pieces galore. I mean I get that a “legit” book should have some time to bake and there IS a process but still it’s 2016, come on people!! Anyway of course Liv has a solution. Leak that mofo!!

(29) And there’s Stevie Wonder!! The opening of “Master Blaster (Jammin’)” starts playing. #SoundtrackWin!!

(30) Cut to a scene of former VP Sally reading an excerpt and guess what y’all, she is IMPRESSED!!! Well hot damn now that is saying A LOT! Mellie got a hit on her hands. #PowerfulWords

(31) And VP Susan is now doing interviews – “just seeing if America really really likes me is all I’m doing.” Girl…

Susan

(32) Abby calls Cyrus up in arms about Fitz going on a date. Abby: “This is 50 shades of wrong.” LMAO!

(33) Ohhhhhhhhhhh Cyrus ain’t going no where! I mean not off the show. WHEW!! Nah, my man Cyrus is on a mission to manage the DEMOCRAT MEXICAN-AMERICAN candidate. YAAAAAASSSSS! Marco Rubio is that you? As a democratic? As a legit viable candidate??? It definitely ain’t Ted Cruz ’cause that’s a whole different type of crazy. Well Scandal is keeping it real current ain’t they? LOVE IT! UPDATE: My awesome friend Dalila pointed out that the better analogy is either Julian OR Joaquin Castro, the twin politician brothers out of Texas. They are DOPE!

Coming Up:  Huck tries to talk some sense into Liv re Jake. Dear God I hope she listens. Liz instructs David to sleep with Susan – I don’t like ANY of this and Abby is NOT feeling Fitz’s decision to start dating. Just messy as hell AND I LOVE ALL OF IT!!! 😉



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