‘Scandal’ Recap (S5:E20) – “Trump Card”*

*So I didn’t notice the title of this episode until AFTER I watched it. Shonda is BRILLIANT and FUNNY and I LOVE HER! #ThatIsAll #AsYouWere

(1) OMG!! Not only is the homie Ms. Tiffany Phillips back on Scandal she is OPENING this episode. Anchor that news girl! Anchor It!! (And thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. I promise I’m going to put pictures up at some point!!) YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!!

(2) Oh wait, I was so caught up in being happy for my girl that I almost didn’t catch what she said. Trump Doyle is in the lead? Geezus! This is supposed to be my escape not reflecting our country’s nightmare reality. LAWD!!

(3) Liv & Abby are in Liv’s office strategizing. Quinn: “It’s like ‘Throwback Thursday’ in there. A gladiator reunion.” LOL! Even funnier was the exchange between her and Huck. Quinn: “This is good.” Huck: “This is not good.” #Repeat

(4) Liv and Abby have agreed to a cease-fire so they can focus their efforts on getting rid of the Troll King Hollis Doyle. HOWEVER Liv ain’t no fool and orders the team to get legit dirt on Susan ’cause they can’t get caught sleeping if the cease-fire falls apart. THIS is the Liv I know! Now please tell me why you didn’t have a back up plan to rescue Jake??? You know you need Plans B, C and D when you are dealing with your father! Alright alright moving on.

(5) Not sure how I feel about Liv’s sweater. Oh yeah she IS pregnant. CONGRATS GIRL!!! AWE-SOME!! On another note, I do know how I feel about Liz’s yellow schoolgirl blouse #No

(6) Abby called Liz and her yellow shirt fail into her office to give her the same order Liv gave her team. Get some real dirt on Mellie. Liv did indeed teach her well.

(7) Susan said Mellie wants to end Medicare. Word? Like for reals?? Maybe I don’t want you to win after all Mellie. What’s that about??

Susan is working on saying neutral stuff about Mellie when David brings her lunch. David starts yammering and being really weird and talking about being in a house together and getting old together and Susan is like “wait what are you saying?” What’s funny is that I didn’t really catch it either so, I too was like “wait what ARE you saying David?” He then proceeds to deliver an insanely AWKWARD very legal and PC sounding marriage proposal. Good grief! So happy she stopped him and said “ask me like a normal person.” THANK YOU!!

This is all well and good but he GOTS to know if she EVER finds out he was with Liz – curtains. Ditto re that deal he struck in Florida. #Drapes

(8) YAAAAAAAAASSS LIV!! Rock that cobalt blue coat. Is it a coat dress?? Is that a thing? I am no one’s fashionista so I have to inquire about these things. Well anyway she looks FAB! WERK!!

Cyrus and Liv are having one of their bench meetings. Cyrus: “Liv have I lost it? Have I lost my touch?” Liv: *gets up to leave. LMAO!!! But seriously Cyrus is legit sprung on Frankie and he can’t understand why his guy is losing to that other guy who is super lame. Liv keeps it 100 and tells him what’s really poppin behind the scenes – Papa Pope.

Cyrus is HILARIOUS!! He’s like “So what’s the plan yo? What we gon’ do?? I mean is death even a possible option??” Liv cuts him off, reminds him that her pops was Command, tells him “Good luck” and bounces. I can appreciate that Cyrus at least proposed the idea. Papa Pope is Beelzebub!!

(9) Oh hell. Abby has a private meeting with the aforementioned Mr. Bub. Sidebar: Y’all notice he said her full name “Abigail” the way he does with “Olivia”? Just pointing that out ’cause I think it’s a cool character trait. He is still diabolical tho. DAMNIT!! DIDN’T I JUST SAY THAT MAN WAS DIABOLICAL!???!! HE. IS. SATAN! I can NOT believe he just handed Abby intel re Liv’s abortion. MONSTROUS! Then he continues to goad her by ending with “What Would Olivia Pope Do?” I CAN’T WITH HIM!  #WWOPD!

(10) Operation GET HOLLIS gets underway! Annnnnd just like in real life nothing sticks. This is so clearly that Mandarin colored cretin Trump that it’s almost hard to watch. Hitting him with misusing money, rape charges from an ex-wife AND his association with the KKK. None of it matters. Sigh.

(11) Soooo Edison thinks he is going to have a “discussion” with Papa Pope about how to best address the “xenophobic, idiotic, misogynistic, racist” that is Trump Hollis. Edison still hasn’t figured out that he ain’t running a d*mn thing. And when PP said “You feel me brother?” I knew what was coming next… patented Papa Pope. I almost feel sorry for Edison. Almost.

Key words to let you know it was about to get really real: (a) “Run north of the Mason-Dixon line” and (b) chiding him for wanting to quote “Rosa Parks” and “Huey Newton.” PP is getting wound up and he’s about to deliver. Oh Edison… He said “race is a social construct” and THEN he said “as a man who wants to lead this country.” Oh Edison… Papa Pope cut him off and said: “You need to cease talking.” Yep it’s about to be on:

“You’re speaking to a man from the ghetto. You have no idea what you’re talking about, you privileged, little Ink Well prep school Ivy League doctor’s son. You ain’t no Jesse Jackson. You ain’t got nothing to preach. You ain’t got nothing to say. You don’t have a dream, and you have not been to the mountaintop.“

HOT DAMN! SERVED!! But he wasn’t done yet…

“Which is why I chose you. You gon’ be our first black president. And you’re gonna get there by making everyone forget that you are black. You’re going to wait. Your time will come. When you are in the Oval, you can say whatever you want. Until then, stand still and hope nobody notices that this ain’t no tan. Don’t make me angry.”

JOE MORTON IS DA TRUTH!!! I watched that at least 4 times. He gets this rhythm going and it is EVERYTHING! Yes I still despise his character but when PP gets ready to lay someone out I get ready to take notes!

Shonda didn’t even cut to a commercial. She made us watch Edison get his head together. Poor thing. He is still in denial. Papa Pope tells him to add Jake to the top of the VP list. Edison once again tries to push back. He still don’t know. Papa Pope decides to play with his head again. “The decision is yours. You’re the candidate.” #OhEdison

(12) Liv and Abby brainstorm re Hollis. Abby suggests going after his stance on abortion. She’s fishing and Liv rightly questions and shoots down that idea. Bringing that up in the primary only hurts Mellie. In the meantime Hollis is on former VP Sally Langston’s show talking strong. Says whomever drops out first gets to be his VP. Ugh.

(13) Abby & Lizzie chat. Of course Liz is like wellll maybe we need to think about it. Abby stands strong – for now. Liz has some intel on Mellie. She met with a psychic after Jerry died, 12 times, in the White House. #Yawn

(14) Mellie is fretting about not winning the primary. Marcus reassures her. I appreciate their relationship, to be honest I’m low key loving it BUT it still makes me nervous. They gon’ have MAD haters!!

(15) Liv arrives home to find her father standing outside her door. She is NOT pleased. He’s the last mofo she wants to see right now. Sidebar: Y’all notice that Liv has like 15 locks on her door?

Papa Pope: “You seem to believe that there is some finality to our relationship. There is not. I am your father. Even when I’m dead and buried, you are me.” Liv is like “oh cut it out already, what do you want??” He came to tell her to take Hollis’ deal. He plays with her head talking ish about Abby getting over on her and why come she isn’t trusting herself, etc. Then he kisses her on the cheek and bounces. These damn Popes, boy I tell ya.

(16) Edison meets with Jake. Jake tells Edison he is going to be his VP. Edison again politely declines. Smdh. Edison STILL doesn’t get it but he gon’ learn today. Jake: “I am your Vice President. And Eli and I will drag your tired ass to the White House, and you will smile and wave and wait for us to turn you on and off and changes your batteries.” DAMN! Edison is STILL trying to act like he has some say: “What if I say no?” HA!! Jake: ”Member that car accident you had that left you a broken mess? Yeah bruh, that was me.’ Me: Edison imma need you to understand the severity of your situation #STAT!

(17) Liv meets with Hollis and tells him she wants Mellie on his ticket. I already know this is a farce but I don’t yet know the game plan. Hmmm… Hollis is once again being a complete and total a*s. Refers to his supporters as “Mouth breathing morons.” Says he needs “purell” after shaking their “filthy inbred hands.” Liv is slightly taken aback but she says they have a deal. She lying.

(18) Finally it’s a new day. Was still loving the cobalt blue but that day seemed endless! Liv gets to OPA and tells everyone she met with Hollis. Marcus, Abby and Quinn immediately assume the worst. Huck knows what’s up. Thank you Huck!!

Sidebar: Abby complaining about Liv wasting her time “I have meetings, I do run a country” had me rolling my eyes. Girl pipe down. “Monster” Abby is beginning to get on my nerves.

(19) SEE!! I knew Liv had a plan!! She pulled a V. Stiviano on Hollis’ SHADY a*s! LOVE IT!!! Now IF ONLY someone would take out the Orange Menace terrorizing America we would really be in business!

(20) Tiffany is ALL OVER THIS EPISODE!! SO EXCITING!!!

(21) Trump Hollis = Fraud. He’s done. #BuhBYE!

(22) Abby and Liv share chuckles over wine. Sadly, it is short lived. Tomorrow they “go back in the ring. Enemies again.” Was kinda nice while it lasted. :-/

(23) Hmmm, Edison looks clear eyed. Has he accepted his fate? Poor fool. Liv pays him visit. She’s keeping it 100 all around town this episode. She too has pertinent intel for his simple behind. “Your primary wins – you can thank Papa Pope for those playa.” Is it FINALLY sinking in Edison? FINALLY??? Still no, not until she asks if Jake has already been suggested as his VP. NOW DO YOU SEE??? I need you to stop fighting this Edison. (Yes I peeped her bag, I’ve been a little preoccupied this episode but that fuschia beauty is talking to me right now! YAAASSS!) Liv tells Edison she can help him break free. This better be a stronger plan than what you had for Jake! No I am NOT letting that go. JAKE NEEDS RESCUING!!! Okay okay, I’m calm again.

(24) Cue reporter asking Edison specifically about race: “So YOU as a Black Man have no opinion on that racist SOB?” And wooooooo boy did Edison let go and let have. Threw out words like “Slavery”, “Jim Crow”, “Black Lives Matter” and said people who say “All Lives Matter” piss him off!! He doesn’t have Papa Pope’s cadence (no one does) but he made his point clear. Also, his election is ovah!

(25) MORE TIFFANY PHILLIPS!!! #FeaturedAnchor! Excellent choice Shonda!!!

(26) Un oh. Papa Pope Mad!!! “I thought you made him fear me Jake.”  Jake: “I followed orders.” They look at each other. #Olivia

(27) Meanwhile over at Frankie’s headquarters we got to see Cyrus’ happy dance when Edison conceded to the Governor. It was glorious! Cy got hops!!

(28) Cy calls Liv. She’s talking sh*t about even when her dad is running full speed she is running faster BUT WHAT ABOUT JAKE THO????? Sorry. Then Cy says “right so I don’t know what you are talking about but I am very happy you have never gone to therapy.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! There is an article floating around about how Olivia Pope needs therapy and I know I have said it about 50/11 times in my recaps. Shonda got JOKES!!!

(29) Quinn and Huck got REAL intel on Susan. Abby confirms Liv’s abortion with her secret service. Damn. Abby calls Liv and tells her to come to the White House later so they can talk. Oh Abby…

(30) HA! Liv came to the White House alright but she set up a different meeting. She taught YOU Abby but you’re still not her. Poor thing. She and Edison stay underestimating these Popes. Liv has assembled everyone in the Oval office. They are going to exchange opposition research. Come clean with the dirt.

(31) Mellie’s exchange with Susan: “Did you just call doubles on not dropping out?” Susan: “Yes.” Mellie: “You should drop out.” HILARIOUS!

(32) Ooooohhh Liv has David intel. That d*mn deal he made with the Governor. I knew he and Susan were NOT gonna make it. He tanked her whole situation. So stupid. Now Fitz talking about he wants David’s resignation. Really Fitz? Thankfully Lizzie pipes up to tell him to pump his brakes. David quitting compromises Susan’s current VP position. Plus David is part of the Cabal. He ain’t going no where and imma need you to know that Fitz.

Abby is torn about sharing her abortion intel. Finally she divulges the physic information. Liv knows she’s holding something back. Susan makes a call: “fck it I’m out.”

(33) Y’all knew Lizzie wasn’t just going to let this go easily. Called Susan ludicrous. Liz is like Edison and Abby – just in denial about stuff. David shows up and Susan let’s him know what’s really good. “I know I’m amazing. I’m witty and cute and funny and smarter than you. I’m incredible, David. I’m gonna change the damn world, which is why this is over.” OVER DAVID!! OVAH! Susan’s speech – so spot on. She cried after she put him out but that’s okay let it out girl, you gon’ be alright! #SoSayethKendrick!

(34) One mo’ gin TIFFANY!!! Susan gives her concession speech and throws her support behind Mellie. Whew!

(35) Mellie and Marcus are in the hallway celebrating and…. SEE!!! I KNEW IT!! I. KNEW. IT!!! It’s about to go down. I don’t see how this ends well for either of them! Fitz had a black mistress and now you went and got you a black mister?? LAWD!!! Shonda play too much!!

(36) Huck: “Mellie did it.” Quinn: “WE did it.” Huck: “True.”

(37) Liv arrives at Abby’s house with a Bordeaux. Abby looks amazing in that dress! Liv wants to know what info she was holding back. She finally comes clean. Liv: “I’m not ashamed of my abortion BUT it would have devastated Fitz cause he don’t know.” Abby tells the whole truth – she got the intel from Papa Mofo Pope. And she suspects he ain’t no where near done. Duh! That man is a PLAGUE!!!

(38) Speaking of, PP and Jake pay Edison a visit. And this dude STILL does not understand that PP is Satan. Damn Edison. Jake still gotta show him. Interesting… PP leaves the room while Jake is physically assaulting Edison so Jake takes that opportunity to tell Edison to deliver a message to Liv for him “HELP!”

Coming Up: Fitz finds out about what could have been and Jake needs me to rescue him. I’M COMING JAKE!! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU!! #SeasonFinale

BTW: Jeff Perry a.k.a. “Cyrus Beene” was retweeting me last night and I WAS IN HEAVEN!!! Thx JEFF PERRY!!!

SCANDAL!

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