(1) Episode opens with Liv just chilling at the dinner table with Jake, blondie and Papa Pope like everyone is one big happy family. WORD??? Smiling, laughing, chatting about dessert. Liv exchanging “looks” with Jake and asking blondie about wedding plans. SERIOUSLY?? Meanwhile Quinn & Charlie have broken into Jake’s apartment and are downloading files and bugging the joint. Sigh. Will we ever all just get along? #No
(2) HOLE UP! DID JAKE JUST DESCRIBE LIV AS THE SISTER HE NEVER HAD???? I. CAN. NOT! GROSSSSSSS!
(3) Soooooo now Liv has a feed of Jake’s apartment talking about “I see you Vanessa Moss” – SHE IS CRAZY Y’ALL!! Two things: (a) Liv doesn’t think Jake isn’t going to figure this out? He’s the head of the damn NSA! He probably already had cameras set up in his own shit. Okay okay imma stop and (b) Liv don’ all the way lost her damn mind. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR LIFE GIRL! Where is Tamar Braxton when you actually need her???
(4) I’ve grown to love that former VP Sally has her own show. I appreciate HER crazy. Liv’s on the other hand… #No
(5) Gov Vargas announced his Presidential bid. Sally called him “two-faced.” Let the games begin!
(6) Abby is watching Sally’s show from the White House and this total and complete fool Ethan starts running his damn mouth about how Vargas may have a chance, what his polling numbers look like AND THEN he let’s Cyrus’ name fly out his mouth: “I mean if Cyrus were to run Vargas’ campaign then I would jump ship.” He talk too damn much. He don’ tole on Cyrus. Abby is like “Cyrus? Whatcha u talking about boy???” Ethan: “Oops I gotta go, bye.” IT’S TOO LATE ETHAN! TOO LATE!
(7) Abby and Quinn meet up at a bench. Y’all know that’s where all the super important convos take place (sometimes). Quinn has promoted herself (says she’s running OPA now which is basically true) and is no longer the person who brings the coffee. Tell her Quinn!! Get your own damn Starbucks Abby!
(8) Quinn told Abby about Liv’s latest crazy scheme and Abby says, and I quote: “She’s not stalking. She’s focusing on something she thinks is important.” Abby is a good friend ’cause that heffa Liv is on one right now and Quinn knows it.
(9) Huck & Marcus are watching Javi’s soccer match. Kim’s got a new boo and Huck is thinking “thoughts” #OhShit Also, Marcus be asking hella questions – Who’s that girl? Is that your ex? Who’s that guy? Did you know about him?
(10) Good grief! Don’t you hate when people BEG you to advise them and then turn around and completely disregard that advice?? #Mellie
(10.1) Mellie has scheduled a meeting with Hollis Doyle because she is hard-headed and a glutton for punishment. Talking about maybe he has changed. Liv says he is the devil (true). And Mellie should already know the “devil” does not change!!
(11) Huck is now busy researching this dude hanging with Kim and Javi. Meets up with Charlie to “discuss” it. Literally says “remember this guy we tried to kill?” Huck thinks he might be back in the mix and after Huck’s family. Charlie doesn’t remember him but suggests that it might this one guy “six-toes” which really only leads to more questions that none of us really want to have answered. Moving on…
(12) Hollis Doyle is still terrible (duh), jawing on about how “divorce suits a woman”, he can see it in Mellie’s hips, she’s “leaner and meaner,” and then he brings it home with “you slap that figure on a match.com the men will come running, I promise you that!” He’s a real peach ain’t he? Also so he’s TOTALLY Trump right?? No need to answer that, he is. Talking about all his money and basically being a disgusting human being. He wants the EPA shut down and since Mellie ain’t biting he’s off to holla at Susan. Ummm there is NO WAY morally righteous Susan is going to have anything to do with that billionaire blowhard
Trump Doyle. Nope. Nada. Not gonna happen.
(13) Liz, Fitz, Cyrus & Abby are in the oval discussing putting Hollis and Susan in the same room. Fitz called him a disease (true), Liz and Cyrus are for it (cause they are both shady AF but for different reasons) and Abby is looking at Cyrus sideways cause she’s onto his latest plot. #Scandal
(14) Since Quinn wouldn’t help Abby she went to her next best mole – David Rosen. He confirms Ethan’s babble. Smdh. Hella phone calls (mobile to mobile!) and Cy’s trip to Harrisburg. Cy didn’t do a very good job of covering up his tracks. Really sloppy Cy. Which was already evidenced by him using that simpleton Ethan in the first place. David decides this is a good time to try and tell Abby about his “predicament” (it’s not) – sleeping with two women, one of whom he says might be an “actual witch” (agree). Abby doesn’t want to hear this BS, tells him he needs help (more truth) and she bounces.
(15) Mellie calls Liv all freaked out cause Hollis is going to meet with Susan. Liv is multi-tasking, stalking Jake from her living room and calming Mellie down. “There’s always more money” she tells her. Mellie responds with a kickstarter joke. It was actually pretty funny but I’m tired so I only laughed a little.
(16) Re this video feed business, Liv is KILLING ME!! And OF COURSE JAKE KNOWS!! Jake is making out with Vanessa in the living room (cause why not) and HE LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA! Like you catching alla this work I’m putting in??? (a) Just nasty and (b) come on Liv, I know I’m sounding like a broken record but you’re not hearing me – he’s the fcking head of the NSA! Even before this gig he WAS Command for minute. GEEZUS!! Did she REALLY think he wasn’t going to figure it out???
(a) HA!!!! And sure enough, Jake brought her damn equipment back to her, talking about “show’s over.” LMAO!
(b) He walks inside her place and sees all of her surveillance work on the coffee table (and a glass of red wine of course) – he uses the words “low, pathetic, sad, jealousy” (true, true, true and true).
(c) Ohhhh! Jake threw Fitz in her face: “He really messed you up. Ended up manipulating you. You went from being the smartest person in the room to the biggest fool.” DAYUM!! But he ain’t stop there THEN he threw Papa Pope in her face “to realize you’re just a textbook example of daddy issues.” JUGULAR!!
(d) Alright now I’m done. Jake next’s words: “But I am in love”. Shaddup Jake – you are not “in love” with blondie. You love Liv or you wouldn’t be standing in her living room telling her about herself. Try again bruh.
(e) Liv: “Your girlfriends aren’t girlfriends. They’re marks. Nothing you do is real.” TELL HIM LIV! (See I’m part of the problem cheering her a*s on. In my defense, I just appreciate a good come back.)
(f) Jake waxing on about Vanessa is a “normal” person who reads Vogue, watches Hugh Grant movies (people still do that?) and takes multi-vitamins. Yawwwwwwn. She sounds boring as hell Jake. Stop playing.
(g) Aaaaannd he’s not quite done yet, before he leaves he says to Liv: “Did you enjoy it? Watching us? Did you pretend that you were her? Did you get off when she got off?” GOLLY! I just clutched my imaginary pearls. He is so NASTY! I ain’t forgot about last week’s X rated monologue (*fans self). Ummmm but he does bring up a good point. What did watching them in his place accomplish? Shouldn’t Liv be following blondie around town?? Apparently all they are doing in his place is, ahem – like rabbits.
(17) Abby confronts Cyrus re running Vargas’ campaign. Cy initially tries to play it off but Abby keeps pushing, then Cy tries anger. Abby flinched but I’ll give her credit she held her ground. Aiiiiight Abby I see you! Then he threatened her (unemployment!) but Abby knew she had him (gave him that “man please” look). Told him to his face he was lying and then placed a photo of him and Vargas on his desk. NOW WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY CY??? Wow, Cy seems legit flustered. Starts trying to spin it, ummm is he BEGGING her now? To not say anything to Fitz? Who IS this person? Cy is too shady/crafty/evil to get caught like this. I don’t trust it.
Abby reluctantly agrees to not say anything to Fitz. Hmmm. Q. So does Abby not know or does she not remember that Cyrus has had people killed? Now I’m nervous.
(18) Sidebar – why do they keep saying “mobile” phone? Who says that? Like EVERYONE says “cell” phone right? #Confused
(19) Quinn learns that Huck is on a “mission.” Also Charlie publicly claimed her as his lover when Marcus asked who he was. The look on Quinn’s face – PRICELESS! Marcus asks if he’s missing something. Yes Marcus, yes you are. He needs a dossier.
(20) Next scene, Huck rolling up on Kim’s boyfriend who is stuck on the side of the road because Huck did something to his car AND took his cell phone. A few observations: (a) Dude’s name is “Sean” and he is CUTE!!!! (b) Huck is very good at what he does although his glasses “disguise” is kinda comical AND (c) I did legitimately giggle when Huck said he didn’t know anything about computers and that his name was “Harold”? I need some sleep.
(21) Hollis, Liz, Fitz and Susan meet in the Oval. Wait, Susan seems responsive to this troll. Whaaaaa?? Fitz jumps in and tells Susan he knows how she really feels (patronizing much?). He then tells Hollis to get to the point AND adds that they don’t need him to do sh*t for “them.” Hollis is like that’s not the ish you were talking during your FIRST election homie. Mic drop moment. Fitz kicks him out.
(22) Hollis runs back to Mellie whining about her wack a*s ex-husband. Says he is going to give her another chance, wants to dig into the issue of “those free loading illegals” #BecauseTrump
(23) Abby runs to Liv. Tells her about Cyrus running Vargas’ campaign. Tells Liv she has Cyrus now and she wants to take him down. Verbatim, she wants to “crush him, destroy him, slit his throat and bath in his blood.” Damn Abby!
(a) Yep, Abby wants the Chief of Staff spot and now she has a way to get it. Why is Liv talking about Abby waiting her turn? Huh? This is Fitz’s last year in office – when else would she get a chance to be Chief of Staff?? Am I missing something?
(b) Abby wants to be a “monster” (hungry, treacherous, big dogs with sharp teeth, also rude AF) but she still has a conscience and admits she is concerned about sleeping at night (Right. So do you want this or not??). Anyway, Liv gets that the power of the Oval is calling her name – it happens. She warns her that power corrupts. Adds that once she takes the white hat off it’s gone for good. No take backs! Tells her to be a better person. Not sure if that landed or not…
(24) Wardrobe Win! LOVING Liv’s orange jacket AND the red purse – YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!
(25) Sorry I got distracted, Liv, Quinn and Marcus are off to find Huck. Marcus has finally been brought up to speed (somewhat). He now knows that Huck is a government trained assassin. It’s almost funny that he didn’t already know. It’s weird with him being so in the dark. I might be missing Harrison a little. Damn you Columbus!
(26) Sidebar: Y’all saw Liv grab Marcus to stop him from getting in the front seat right??? I had to watch it twice. I think Kerry was like we’re not shooting this scene again.
(27) Awwwww Sean is REALLY CUTE!! He and Huck/Harold drive past the gas station. “Sean” finally realizes he might be in trouble. Yeeaaaah son #Danger (Note: He also doesn’t seem to recognize Huck soooo yeah Huck might be waaaaaaay da fck off here. Sigh.)
(28) Mellie is still meeting with Hollis. She is giving him waaaaaaay too much info about her campaign. SHUT UP GIRL! That man is SHADY!
(29) Quinn, Liv and Marcus are on the side of the road yelling at each other. Great. Quinn is angry ’cause Marcus didn’t tell her what Huck was up to. Marcus is like how da hell was I supposed to know Huck eats people for living?? Y’all don’t tell me NUTHIN! Liv tells Quinn she needs to bring Marcus more into the loop ’cause he is family now. Ohhhh sh* t that comment sets Quinn off!
(a) Quinn: “Family? WHAT FAMILY??? We USED to be a family!!” Tells Liv she abandoned them for Fitz and even though she’s back, she’s not really back ’cause she’s all caught up with Jake (TRUTH). Quinn is like you USED to be a bad b*tch: “When I started, I got to watch a woman I was in awe of, a woman so fierce, she could breathe fire and would turn whatever was in front of her to dust.” TELL HER QUINN!!
(b) Of course Liv is NOT trying to hear this ish and yells at Marcus to get the keys. But Quinn ain’t done. She wants to know why Liv hates them now. Liv is like ‘B*TCH I WAS KIDNAPPED AND SOLD!! And I SURVIVED!!’ “And a year later I was sitting in the Oval with the President of the United States and I was running the country. I’m selfish because I can be. I don’t owe anyone anything! IT’S MY TURN!!” Well damn Liv, tell us how you really feel. Also you may want to holla at a therapist for the PTSD. #IJS (Q. Is it just me or did Liv sound a little like a petulant 5-yr-old? I’m not saying I don’t get it, maybe it was the delivery.)
(30) Liv’s tirade is interrupted when Huck dumps Sean’s body on the ground talking about “it wasn’t him.” It’s not clear yet but I’m just gonna hope that Sean is still alive. Damn Huck.
(31) OOOOOOH SH*T! ABBY TOLD FITZ ABOUT CYRUS!! Fitz was ready to just roll over and take it, silently fume, drink more, basically be moody and sh*t but Abby was like “oh hell no – sir.” She has it all figured out. Lays out how to get rid of Cyrus and stakes her claim for her new gig. Fitz is like okay Abby, I see you, now go fire Cyrus and you’re hired. And just like that off goes Abby’s white hat – toodles!
(32) Huck and Liv are in the car with a passed out but still alive Sean in the back seat. Whew! Huck tells Liv that he realizes he has to make a change, that it’s time to let go of his family, it’s time to move on. Awwwwww #PoorHuck! (But he IS right tho, glad he said it.)
(33) And now Mellie is watching that ahole Hollis declaring HIS presidential bid and using her platform, slogan, tagline etc. Seriously Mellie, I am really mad at you for not seeing that coming imma need you to DO BETTER going forward. AND he’s still talking big sh*t about illegals – “and if you’re some pesky little border-crosser, sad, little refugee begging for a handout you will not be welcome!” #BecauseTrump
MAAAAAAAAAN Scandal went there! Got this man on stage with black children standing next to his podium, got his “see me with a black child” photo – WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
(34) Mellie isn’t the only one pissed about the news. Susan is SUPER heated as well. Susan, Fitz and Liz walk into the Oval and Susan starts going CLEAN OFF on Fitz. He tells her she can’t yell at him in this office, her response – then where can we go so I CAN yell at you. AND THEN she kicked Liz out! YES!! I LOVE IT!! (Anyone else think that may have turned Liz on a little? Y’all know she freaky). Woooo-weeee, next Susan goes and pours herself a drink! WHO IS THIS WOMAN??? Tells Fitz: “I respect you. I respect your authority in here. But outside the gates, I’m the candidate. This is The Susan Ross Show, sir.” YOU BETTA CLAIM IT SUSAN!
(35) Liv basically apologizes to Quinn without actually saying ‘I’m sorry’. She tells her that she’s able to check out because she knows Quinn can and will handle it all. She mentioned jetting off to the island with Jake as an example. Marcus: “Island?” Quinn: “After Liv found out her mom was a terrorist and her dad had the President’s son killed, she went to a secluded island with Jake. Anything else?” (beat) Marcus: “Have you ever killed anyone?” He really still doesn’t know them does he? Quinn declines to answer.
(36) Abby walks into Cy’s office: “I need your badge. You got 15 mins to get your shit and go.” And then Aretha’s voice comes in singing “Nessun Dorma“! Throw a little soulful Opera in there!! NICE TOUCH Shonda!!!
(37) CUTE DRESS LIV! Sorry, again, distracted. Liv tells Jake she would like to call a truce. Tells Jake he’s right and that she misses him and that’s why she’s been so insane. Says she knows she was selfish AF using him and Fitz the way she did, says she is sorry. Then Blondie shows up.
(38) Abby lets Fitz know it’s been handled and he asks her to join him and Susan for a drink. She has arrived. But really hadn’t she ALREADY arrived when he made her his work wife??? Never mind, letting it go.
(39) Huck takes a last few looks at Javi’s soccer feed before shutting it down for good 🙁 (Anyone else peep Javi dancing? I’m pretty sure he was doing Hit The Quan. Get it Javi!!)
(40) Oh. Wow. Blondie drops her phone and it jogs Liv’s memory about something Jake said about seemingly random meetings and Vanessa’s story about how she and Jake met. She starts to put it together that maybe she hasn’t actually been entirely crazy here – that blondie actually might not be on the up and up. Well I’ll be damned. I may owe Liv an apology my damn self. Well maybe a half apology. She’s been at least half crazy since she left Fitz.
(41) Shonda ends this show with this 4 frame that I kinda love.
Coming Up: Y’all already know, mo’ crazy.