This was the huffingtonpost headline I saw yesterday:
“Newt Gingrich Bitten By Penguin”
My first thought was ”well it’s too ridiculous to not be true.” And then I proceeded to grin from ear to ear because (a) it’s HIIIILARIOUS and (b) you’ve got to give props to a penguin that was ready to go toe to web with Leroy G. “BRING IT!!”
It was a short article:
“ST. LOUIS — At least one penguin at the St. Louis Zoo appears to be a feisty opponent of Newt Gingrich.
The Republican presidential candidate is sporting a small bandage on his finger after getting nipped by a small penguin during his tour of the zoo on Friday. Gingrich was in St. Louis to speak during the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting.
During his visit to the popular zoo in Forest Park, he was treated to a behind-the-scenes visit with two Magellanic penguins. One of them nipped Gingrich on the finger.
Zoo spokeswoman Susan Gallagher says a small bandage was all the medical care required.”
Is it possible to love a penguin you’ve never met?
Of course this material was too awesome to pass up and thus one comedy writer provided this piece:
“Doug’s Dozen: 12 New Details in the Penguin-Bites-Newt-Gingrich Story”
1. Gingrich identified his attacker as “a typically overdressed Romney supporter.”
2. The penguin was hungry, and mistook Gingrich for an actual newt.
3. Gingrich ridiculed the penguin behavior of giving a pebble to a mate as “pathetically inadequate compared to what I do at Tiffany’s.”
4. The penguin blamed climate-change-denier Gingrich for the loss of its home in an ice-shelf collapse.
5. Gingrich demanded an investigation of liberal penguin-portrayer Danny DeVito.
6. The penguin was upset after Gingrich’s check to the zoo bounced.
7. Gingrich said it was staged by ‘Happy Feet Two’ producers, to promote “a lame comedy no one wants to see,” to which the producers replied, “We would never promote your candidacy.”
8. Threat by Gingrich to “bloody Obama’s nose” angered the penguin, who is half black and half white.
9. Gingrich’s one-time backer Sheldon Adelson offered him another million, if he’ll visit the cobra exhibit.
10. The penguin was bitter because she recently got sick, and was dumped by Gingrich.
11. Gingrich has come out in favor of penguin labor, preferably as boiler room janitors.
12. The penguin laughed, “The funny part is, he still thinks he’s brilliant.”
You know what? I’m glad Newt is still in the race, gotta keep the laughs coming. THANKS NEWT!! Perhaps you’re not such a bad guy after all – in opposite world!