‘Empire’ Recap – “Unto the Breach” (S1:E9)

OR “Phone Check” or “BiPolar Goes Bye Bye” or “Put Yo Chest Up – We At War!” #AlternateTitles

(1) “The chateau’s gamekeeper will release the doves” – word? Also Anika keep George and Amal’s name outta your mouth #YouAintWorthy! #WeddingTalk

(2) Okay, Cookie comin’ round that corner with baby girl sitting on the floor playing with her stuffed animals talkin’ bout “Hi Grandma” and Cookie with “Hi baby, where your grandfather” and Porsha hot on her heels in that coat… #PureCOMEDY!

(3) Cookie to Anika:

“You in the middle of getting yo ass gone! You too, fake ass Jackie O! Kick rocks! It’s family business. She working with Beretti. Yeah, while you up in here planning weddings, this b*tch planning how to steal everything you got which is everything I got and I’m not finna let that happen. Tell him boo boo kitty!” 

#CueSputteringAndStuttering #Hilarious! I rewound that scene about 50/11 times #NoLie!

(4) Aiiiight Porsha! You didn’t get snowed by Boo Boo Anika #GoodJob! “And I spied right back on yo’ ass” #LoyaltyYo!

(5) HAHAHA!! NOT “BYE FELICIA!!” E’rybody involved with this show play TOO MUCH!! “Let’s go grab this ho clothes, help her move out” #IAmWeak!

(6) Umm yeah Anika you betta run. Cookie channeling Angela Bassett and throwing the debutante’s clothes off the balcony, yelling out “Phone Check” to Porsha #Dead!

(7) Cookie: “Don’t let her take that car, that’s Empire’s property!” #WalkBitchWALK!

(8) Yep Anika, he just threatened you, yep he sure did #YourPopsGoingDownToo (Sidebar: Is Lucious wearing an ascot or is that just one of his regular ole paisley scarves tucked in extra careful?) #Sigh

(9) She got a long walk in those heels, oh wait I forgot Beretti was on his way to swoop her. #CreedmoorUber


(11) Is Jamal giving me Prince AND D’Angelo right now?? What is happening?????? Danielle?? #CrazySexyLoveSong Umm sorry honey I’m not quite buying it, maybe ’cause I know the original too well?

(12) Porsha to Jamal: “Put yo chest up” #WeAtWar

(13) Meanwhile over at Empire, they escorting folks outta the building, Malcolm talkin’ ’bout sweeping hard drives, checking cell phones, and “neutralizing the enemy” #ItsRealInDeseStreets

(14) Awww hell. And of course Andre’s ass is at home losing it in the mirror. We ain’t got time for you to fall apart ‘Dre! #NoTime!! #ItsWar!! (Note: Only legitimately crazy people flush all their meds down the toilet) #DamnShame #ProbablyHadSomeGoodStuffToo!

(15) LOVE Cookie’s black booties!! #Fly!!

(16) Hold da fck up, did Hakeem just say one of his partner’s just scored some “C-4” and they are going to “blow Creedmoor to the ground”???Is that REALLY what I just heard??? I rewound that about 8 times just to make sure. WHAT DA FCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LIL BOY??? GO SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE! #TuckInAndLearn Also #SHADDUP!

(17) Cue another Lucious speech #SaveEmpire #TheMusic #Family #YadaYada #BlahBlah

(18) Hakeem talkin’ about going to holla at Royale-T “MC to MC” #LMAO! #BoyStop #YouStillGotWetEars #SimilacOnYoBreath

(19) Awww damn V. Bozeman, you ended up going with Anika?? Booooo! But I get it, get yo’ career on girl. Also maybe not Kanye on the track. How about Drake? He got that legit sing-songy thing going on #JustASuggestion

(20) Y’all still in that glass conference room huh? Crazy Dre rolling in with a briefcase full of cash. Jamal sounding hella naive talking about Empire is not about “hookers and blow” which forced his father to point out that #ThisIsTheMusicBusiness #HookersAndBlow #MakeTheWorldGoRound

(21) And then Lucious goes left (again) talkin’ about them losing artists because of Jamal “prancing about with his little freak flag” really?? Is now REALLY the time for that BS Lucious? #LetItGo!

(22) Anika has NO idea what she has gotten her lil ass into #DeerInHeadlights “I think we should keep this relationship professional Billy” #GoodLuckWithThat

(23) I thought Tyree was eating a salad. Ha! He was eating some damn cereal. That makes waaaay more sense given the environment. Speaking of, the bullet holes in the window door add a particular touch don’t they? #GhettoAssStudies

(24) Did that fool just call Cookie a THOT? He gon’ pay for that: “You ain’t no G. You’s a mark. I did 17 years in the feds. I know a buster when I see one. Mark.” #GetHimCookie! Funny you know who doesn’t look hard in that room? #RoyaleT

(25) Cookie was mixin’ pruno in her cell y’all #HeadsToUrbanDictionary

(26) YAAASSSS!! Cookie just challenged dem fools to a DRANK OFF! #SheGoneWin! #NuthinButFaithInYouMa

(27) Delphine? Estelle can’t play herself?? #Conqueror

(28) Travie Wild said “I’m done sharecropping” Woooooow #IMean #IGuess…

(29) Andre is selling the new business model but his own “car” is headed off its own track #AtTheSpeedOfLight #MoCrazy #MoCrazy #MoCrazy

(30) Jamal must like beating his head against a brick wall, he is STILL trying with Lucious. He should have called Cookie #SheKnowWhatToDo

(31) Awww “Conqueror” sounded nice #Collabo

(32) Cookie is FCKED UP on PURPLE DRANK! #LastManStanding I would have thrown up a long time ago #PropsToCookie! She’ll drank yo’ ass under a mixing board (Sidebar: Tyree is fcking up that cereal.)

(33) Hakeem rolling up on Lucious in his office complaining about being dismissed in the meeting with Travie. BOY SHUT UP! You sound like a spoiled child. Oooo you get on my nerves!! #NeedATimeOut!

(34) Why is Cookie out there on the street solo? Where Porsha?? Where is her car??? She drunk as all get out! Well of course someone tries to jack her. Duh! Look at her bag #IWantOne

(35) AND HERE COMES MALCOLM TO THE RESCUE! DAYUM! HE PUNCHED THE HELL OUTTA THAT DUDE! In a nice coat and scarf too. Okay Malcolm, I definitely see you. #I #See #You

(36) Cookie in the background talking shit #Hilarious #DontMessWithCookie (but seriously she will have yo’ ass killed, I ain’t forgot about that dude in Philly)

(37) “Cookie to Malcolm: “Yeah, that’s my name, take a bite!” #BreakTheRules “Aw, come on, take these cookies, take ’em, I won’t tell” WITH HER LEGS IN THE AIR!! I CANNOT!!! I AM ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW!! #TakeTheseCookies!

(38) Becky has a source…

(39) I would ask why Dre swung on Jamal outta the blue but why ask why? He’s crazy soooo… Annnndd that’s why you shouldn’t fight on elevators. No Andre #YouAreNotSharp

(40) Awwwww shit shoot out at the airport! Danielle said was that supposed to be Death Row vs. Bad Boy? #LOL! Oh wait, Biggie and Tupac are dead so kinda not as funny. #IBlameSuge

(41) That coat looks terrible on Lucious. I need him to get a better health regimen together before season 2, hook up some custom made joints. They can ask for the moon now and get it #SkyHighRatings = $$$$

(42) Travie Wild is wack. I’m not gonna buy NONE of his records! #EasyCauseFictional

(43) Ooooooh the building was hacked. By whom?? Definitely not Anika. Beretti is no joke #CyberHit

(44) I need Hakeem to give better reaction face. Your brother is doing THE MOST in the elevator right now and all you’ve got is stone face #Sigh

(45) I can NOT with Andre in the elevator right now #ItWasMe #EightToTen!! #EVERYDAY!!

(46) Do they not know their brother is super cray? If they didn’t before they definitely do now #LeanOnMe

(47) Cookie sobered up quick. The purple drank high don’t last that long? Umm where can I get some? #Jokes

(48) Lucious wasn’t told that the bldg was hacked? Hence the three of them stuck in the elevator??? Dre over there talkin’ bout the Lamborghini he bought. Lucious don’t know Hakeem and Tiana are no longer together???? Becky is terrible at her job. Meanwhile Porsha is touching up her lipstick #Unconcerned

(49) What is his problem with Delphine??? Oh wait, it really IS about Jamal’s gayness?? Come on Lucious this is BUSINESS! #SeriouslyPlayedOutHomophobia

(50) The fact that she’s white isn’t an issue when you need her to come deal with your crazy son is it? Also, this is why they shouldn’t be in a glass conference room. His behavior is on full display #NotAGoodLookYo

(51) This Anika and Hakeem convo #Yawn… Oh wait, awwwww sh*t, he played her!! #YouShallNotPass

(52) Mini-Rihanna clearly likes it both ways. She greedy. Wow, Hakeem is really sticking with Camilla huh? #ICannotTellALieMa

(53) Wait, what’s about to happen? Is Lucious about to perform?? Like for real for real?? Umm… #Oh #My

(54) Yep, that is exactly what happened. Also this chick behind Lucious in the pink and black dress is doing the most #ExtrasBeingExtra

(55) Well I can agree with Andre on this one I don’t think it helps to tell a manic person to calm down #Ever

(56) Can’t they put him in a straight jacket and cart his a*s off somewhere? Seriously at least a room without glass walls? Ahhh here comes the stretcher and there’s the syringe – calm his LOCO ass down #FortyEightHourHold

(57) For someone who doesn’t like the white woman you sure seem to defer to her A LOT when it comes to Andre #JustSaying

COMING UP: Jhud “helps” Andre, Malcolm gon’ get the Cookie, Lucious tries to pay off Camilla, Vernon gets pushed too far and that little girl remains waaaay too cute – where her mama?? Damn I’m hooked on this show!


'‘Empire’ Recap – “Unto the Breach” (S1:E9)' have 2 comments

  1. March 5, 2015 @ 8:41 am Dana Dane

    @# 55 Would “turn down for what” help? Ijs. #ihavequestions


    • March 5, 2015 @ 9:03 am CM

      Dana!! Lol! Girl the only thing that’s going to help him is exactly what they did – sedate his a*s and call JHud! Although Lil Jon IS a good idea, he would have totally fit in at a rave.


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