(1) Episode opens with MJ’s stylist – Ms. Thang is back! I LOVE HIM!! “My first name is Fendi and my last name is Birkin” / “Oh, you are going to have all these heifers wanting to ketch-up, no mustard” #Verbatim #YAAAAAASSSS!!!!
(2) MJ re the Birkin: “How much is it??” Why she said that? Ms. Thang holds out his hand for her to give it back, looks over at his assistant and with a loud a*s exasperated sigh, says “If you have to ask.” #IMean…
(3) And voila, he got her for $30,000 #BirthdayBirkin (I know she’s paid and all but no way in hell I make impromptu 30K spending decisions. No. Way. In. Hell.)
(4) Q. What happened to Cee-Cee “the extortionist”?? Is she gone for good? After the book store exchange that was it??
(5) Intro Quote: ” ‘Get it… you deserve it!’ -Says the 80% of Americans living in debt” #Yeeeaaaahh
(6) Niecy is at work pushing a “Bump ‘n Go” flat iron. The customer loves the result but can’t afford to drop $130 on it, would have to sell one of her kids to afford it. She also gave Niecy some advice “you need to be doing hair girl.” #RealTalk
(7) Niecy’s “friends” roll up. Quotes around “friends” because with friends like that… Clowning her clothes, telling her to look out for herself over her family. Their advice is to “work the mall” – use another person’s employee discount in one store and then share yours in return. Sigh. Look, I’m down with a discount just as much as the next person BUT this sounds like this is about to get out of hand #EyeRoll
(8) That Birkin IS straight up gorgeous tho. Ain’t even gonna front on that. #ICovet
(9) And oh my stars, a new ride, a Tesla #Ballin!
(10) MJ hops in her ride and immediately gets her music right. I ain’t mad at the song selection: “All I Do Is Win.” Did anyone else think she was going to get into another accident doing all that arm flailing dancing in the car? Can Gabrielle Union dance? Cause I still can’t tell if that’s her or a deliberate choice for her character #SuperAwkward
(11) Well damn Mark, that was fast. His house is on the market. #Adios
(12) MJ is struggling to walk in her new “Red Bottoms” and Mark hits her with some legit info: “A blow dryer, 10 minutes at a time — it’ll loosen up the leather in your shoes. No biggie.” Well I’ll be damned. I ain’t even know. Still going to google to confirm.
(13) Speaking of the internet, MJ wonders what she is going to do without Mark (I know right??), Mark tells her that’s what the internet is for and then they have an exchange about Nigerian email scams. Do people REALLY fall (still fall?) for those? Like seriously????
(14) MJ is like “I’m not trying to hear no bad news TODAY cause you know TODAY” and Mark is like “I have no idea what you are talking about and why do you keep talking about TODAY in all caps like that?” #Paraphrasing
(15) MJ wishes “bubble guts” on him while he’s in Nigeria which is just rude and then her phone rings. #Hello
(16) Awwww Mama Helen done had another flare-up. She fell and was in the hospital overnight. Wait one damn minute – they are for reals JUST now telling MJ?? That is BULLSH*T! I would fck up every single person in that household if my mother was hospitalized and NO ONE told me until after the fact. WHO DOES THAT??? But let Patrick need a dollar, MJ definitely gets a call then. #Ridiculous
(17) MJ did get slightly indignant about not getting a phone call but she didn’t go ballistic. I don’t understand this family.
(18) Next up, Paul Jr., makes a surprise visit from LA because of his mother’s fall – EXACTLY! On another note, sooooo he did take the job with the shady (and scary) real estate lady? Maybe I missed it when that decision got made. #Bueller?
(19) MJ is funny, she noted that Patrick was making a cake, PJ is in town and they want her to come back later tonight “to help” with Moms, so naturally she assumes they are planning a surprise birthday party for her. I really do hope that’s what’s up – for her sake #Kiddo
(20) The white dude who was giving Patrick grief an episode or so ago greets him at his desk with a “Hey Buddy” (whaaaa?? no) and asks him if he wants to take a “donut break.” Patrick: “Oh is it doughnut time already?” Then he signals to his boy sitting across the room “donut time” – WTF is going on?? What is up with this cryptic a*s “donut ” convo? I’m annoyed.
(21) Ohhhhhhh “donut time” is DRUGS! Also, ARE YOU FCKING KIDDING ME??? WTF IS PATRICK DOING??? I can’t with this show. This is an incredibly stupid decision. Like beyond stupid.
(21.1) AND there was a R. Kelly & Kylie Jenner joke with a Woody Allen reference thrown in for good measure. A trifecta of absolutely terribly dumb shit.
(21.2) Sidebar: “Bacon” soda? #NotClever #Gross
(22) So the drug is “a-bomb” which before I go to google I’m going to just assume it’s “adderall” or some ADHD drug that helps you focus and stay alert and awake or something. Now white dude is peer pressuring another employee who joins them in the break room but doesn’t partake, Katie. Don’t be an idiot Katie. Too late. Katie’s an idiot. Is this REALLY how this dumb ish goes down?? First, I’m never letting a group of fools peer pressure me into doing a damn thing (well almost never but definitely not something this damn stupid) and second, NEVER EVER NEVAH do drugs with co-workers! EVAH! #CantTrustIt
(22.1) I did a quick google search and didn’t get a quick answer, if one y’all has some insight by all means share #NoJudgement
(23) Kara had a Nigerian news package prepared for Mark to view. He likes it. This is really happening.
(24) Mark and Kara have a heartfelt exchange about working together, him leaving yada yada blah blah. He tries to give her his office. She made some reference to an office not being able to feed her kids. I was a little confused by her response. So she wants to remain in cubicle city?? But seriously I rewound it a few times and still didn’t quite get it #Perplexed
(25) While MJ checks all her “Happy Birthday” tweets (we learn that she’s now 39), the work crew rolls in with a lopsided cake that has five candles on it (??) and a few presents. #ThanksKara!!
(26) That grown up Chuckie doll looking guy who works at SNC pulls MJ aside to talk about an email he sent her about that shady (and scary) real estate lady and, wait for it, bid-rigging. #RuhRoh
(27) Kara has a positive and happy moment with her kids at the office. They are posted up in a conference room doing their homework. She brings them some snacks. Her older son tells her to have a good show and she gets emotional. Great to see them getting along. Seriously this is a great look. 🙂
(28) I am still side-eyeing Niecy’s whole crew. Talk about peer pressure. They got Niecy out shopping and trying to get her to get her family to babysit so she can roll to a Drake concert with a chipped tooth security guard. Smh. One of her friends pipes up about being on the “no sex” train because she likes her freedom. The other girl calls her stuck up because of that remark. This entire exchange is irritating the hell outta me. I may need some sleep or some patience or well something.
(29) Meanwhile back at SNC, MJ is doing another “on a lighter note” story. This one is about “Whiskey The Cat” – cut to her giving Kara sh*t about that damn story. I know right??!! Kara changes the subject and asks MJ how much her new ride costs. MJ says it’s not about the price, it pays for itself and it’s good for the environment. She tells Kara she should get one. Kara is like girl I have kids. I KNOW RIGHT???!! Why is MJ so out of touch so often? #Aggravating
(30) Kara reveals that she is SUPER horny and MJ is like ummm okay. That was funny. Kara also complains about how her workload is going to change now that Mark is leaving. MJ is like sooo that sounds super stressful and says she can crash at her place anytime. That was nice of her. She’s not always terrible.
(30.1) MJ then kicks Kara out of her car because she needs to head to the surprise party her family is throwing for her. Kara is like ummm “Are you sure? Cause nobody called to invite me, that’s kinda weird.” Sometimes I really really do love Kara.
(31) MJ walks into her parent’s house FULLY expecting to be surprised. Guess what? Nada. Damn. To be honest, I wasn’t wishing this on her. I would have loved to have been wrong cause this is fcked up. They really did forget her birthday. Wow.
(32) Paul Jr. is literally like “why are you here?” That is ridiculous. Again, I don’t understand this family.
(33) And now is the segue into MJ coming at PJ about bid-rigging. PJ says he has it handled. MJ is like you’re a black man facing a federal investigation, you’re going to jail. Then PJ brings up how their parents should be chilling not babysitting their great-grandchildren. He also specifically referenced Niecy having a “penchant for hoodies” and that her son’s name is “Trayvion” so of course the 3-yr-old is headed for a minimum wage job or an early death. #Encouraging #Sarcasm
(33.1) PJ is trying to come up on 25 million to put the Pattersons “back on the road to greatness.” #Verbatim
(33.2) Basically MJ and PJ had another heart to heart and this time MJ is the one trying to talk some sense into PJ. Worrying about going to jail is stressful. “25 Million will not buy you peace of mind.” Umm I don’t know about that BUT I do agree he needs to get out while the getting is good. I do not foresee this ending well. At all.
(34) MJ helps her Mom with her bath. I ALREADY KNOW! Y’ALL KNOW I ALREADY KNOW!!! MISS CELIE WASHING SHUG!! I was over here just snickering! I’m terrible I know. This is a solid moment. Imma focus, just give me a second.
(36) Patrick paid for a stash of “a-bombs” for his private consumption. He. Is. Fucking. Up. I don’t care that it’s for a “good cause” i.e., him being able to focus at work. He is an addict! I hate this storyline right now.
(37) Niecy gets home from work with her packages. MJ is all up her in business. She got a coach bag, a bedazzled Michael Kors shirt and a gift for MJ. Q. They were selling Michael Kors gear in that budget looking shop?? Anyway, of course MJ goes full MJ on her. Says her purchases were dumb. Says it was irresponsible to spend half of her check on stuff she didn’t need. I don’t disagree with her I just (a) wouldn’t have said it in that moment and (b) wouldn’t have said it like that. #TypicalMJ
(38) Pops Patterson comes to Niecy’s defense and tells MJ she doesn’t always have to be the one to say the hard stuff. He basically told her she needs to “shut it” sometimes in the nicest way possible. See that’s how you do that MJ. #TakeNotes
(38.1) Pops says she needs to stop punishing Niecy for having kids. But MJ can’t do that because she’s resentful. She finally tells her Pops that she had an abortion 6 years ago. She did the “reasonable, responsible” thing. She couldn’t look at her Dad and have him see a “pathetic burden.” She continues “but if I had had the courage to talk to you and Mom I could have done what Niecy and Partick do, have other people carry my load.”
(38.2) So many thoughts right now: (a) So at the age of 33 when one would imagine you were at a minimum decently employed you still think your father, who has been nothing but the most supportive and understanding man in the world to you, would have seen you as a “pathetic burden” if you had a baby by yourself? Really?? (b) In the 21st century a grown a*s woman having a baby out of wedlock is NOT some earth-shattering situation. It’s just not. I care not one iota that she made the decision to terminate but I am hard side-eyeing the REASONS she’s listing right now. David not wanting to be involved I get. Career aspirations I get. Hell just flat out saying it just wasn’t the right time I can work with any of those but thinking her father was going to shade her?? Naaaah MJ, nope. Now Mama Helen on the other hand would have given you an earful no doubt but Pops?? Girl, stop.
AND yes I totally get just in general the “shame” of it. MJ sees herself in a certain light and having a child out of wedlock does not go with that picture. Again, that I get but say THAT and say it plainly – you would have been ashamed, even at 33 you would have hated to be seen as a disappointment in your parent’s eyes. Okay I’m done, I just hated the way this scene was written.
(39) Moving on, cue: Lionel Richie’s “Three Times A Lady” – Mark is in MJ’s kitchen when she gets home. He has a small very elegant looking cake with “39” on it and one candle. That was very sweet. What is she going to do without Mark?
(40) Awwww they are sitting on top of the dining room table talking. That’s cute.
(40.1) Mark’s house is sold. He was NOT playing. He has found a crew and he will soon be off to the races. He admits that he is scared but it scares him more not to do what he wants to do and adds that “it feels great to live in the moment” – I hear ya Mark.
(40.2) MJ is still smarting from Mark telling her she’s not a real journalist. I don’t know about that particular comment but you DEFINITELY needed someone telling you sh*t you didn’t want to hear. Wait, is Ms. Thang about to replace Mark??? #Please???
(41) Mark gives a goodbye speech at SNC and tries once again to give Kara his office. What is it with him, Kara and his damn office? She said she didn’t want it, let it go man!
(42) Rob Base’s “It Takes Two” comes on and MJ and Mark get up to dance. Same question as before re Gabrielle and dancing… what IS that?? #StillAwkward
FYI: This is definitely my last season recapping this show. I can’t any more. On another note, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! 🙂
BEING MARY JANE