(1) So is Tiana ‘posed to be Rihanna’s little sister? #Rihanna2.0
(2) So Tiana and Veronica are re-enacting “Light Girls” and “Dark Girls” via a music video? #ThatsDeepYo! #Sarcasm
(3) Hakeem is comparing himself to Wiz Khalifa? WHY? #BoySitDown (Also, but seriously huh? Dialogue is sooooo suspect on this show. FIX IT!)
(4) Why did this dude walk up eating a pastry, with smutz on his face #Manager. Real talk tho, no one – NO ONE – can be “hard” while eating a pastry. It’s like a scientific fact. Totally impossible. All you will do is thoroughly play yourself if you do it, oh wait… Cue #BigRedMoment #MelHadAnAccident
(5) Speaking of Big Red, I get why Lucious popped Bunkie – pulling a gun on someone in their own home is MAD disrespectful yo – but he still administering low level ass-whoopings as well?? Umm why? Shouldn’t he have people for that??
(6) Loving that white fur jacket AND that bag Cookie is rocking! To Lucious: “I been calling you” – she left off “N*gga” but she was thinking it!
(7) Cookie: “Get off me! Better be glad I don’t feel like no scene today, ’cause I’d shut it down” #Truuuu. She stay kicking at something or somebody, heffa STAY ready to BOX!
(8) So you calling up Gladys Knight for Bunkie’s funeral Lucious? Word?
(9) Anika’s hairstyle looks better but I don’t like the outfit she’s wearing #Meh
(10) Lucious called a man a “harry dingleberry” – ummm didn’t he just beat a man down? #Disconnect
(11) Becky is terrible at whispering – everyone at that table is now aware that Lucious is meeting with a detective.
(12) Q. Who is Lucious supposed to be? Puffy? Jay Z?? Funny ’cause I can’t imagine either one of them acting like this #IsItJustMe?
(13) Who is this clown singing for Cookie? “ABCs to MP3s” #ABloodyMaryMix #SpicyFantasy #Next!
(14) I see Porsha still has a job #WhereDidSheComeFrom??
(15) Didn’t Lucious shoot Bunkie in the face? They fixed him up nice. Maybe he didn’t, I can’t remember. Not really important. Moving on…
(16) Lucious to Cookie: “You can play country dumb with anyone but me” #CountryDumb #Classic
(17) Did Lucious just say “IRREGARDLESS”????? ARGH!!!!!! #KillMeNow! #NoNegroNO!
(18) That shuffling man had a hit record? #RonnyBrown
(19) A few things re outside the funeral: (a) Lucious’ white suit. Sigh. (b) Umm is that little boy supposed to be Bunkie’s child? If so shouldn’t he be with the family? If he’s NOT Bunkie’s son – which I don’t actually think he is then that was a sloppy ass way of saying that his nameless father had recently died. Damn this writing; (c) Lucious saying “men don’t cry” – that’s exactly what’s wrong with y’all now; (d) Only aspirations a little boy in the hood can have is to be a rapper? Gave that little boy $100 to work on an album? Maybe his mom should use it for a tutor to get his vocab up??? #Smdh
(20) I see Gladys made it. I love you Gladys. Also that’s my momma name.
(21) What in the hell did Rhonda wear to the funeral? Did she think it was going to be in a club??
(22) Look at young Cookie! That sweater! #Flashback
(23) Ooooooooo Andre is CHEATING!!! Hey are those blinds open? #DeputyMayorAlvarez
(24) I like that purple dress Anika is wearing but I’m pretty sure I still don’t like her.
(25) “Old Salty” #WitnessToAMurder
(26) So THAT’S the kinda freaky ish Andre and Rhonda get down with?? “Call me her name”???? #Dayum!
(27) Naomi stay stuntin’ on ‘em! Werk girl, WERK!!! #GoldPlated #DirtyBloodyMartiniUP!
(28) Cookie: “Lucious is on some Darth Vader ish” #Funny. But her gold necklace tho! #Chanel!
(29) Cookie just asked the FBI to find Cuba a.k.a. “Puma” a.k.a. Dwayne Robertson
(30) Oooooo trickery!!! FBI lady plays a parole officer! That jean jacket tho… Did Lucious really fall for that? “REGARDLESS” I LOVE COOKIE!!
(31) Look at Cuba! I mean Puma!! The way he said Cookie’s name was COMEDY! Puma’s like “I don’t do songs no more, I’m a horse man now but how YOU doin’ tho??” #YouLookGoodGirl
(32) Puma spitting game to Cookie ain’t he? Coming hard! Why come she ain’t ask him ’bout what happened to Ronny Brown?? I know I’m not the only curious about that.
(33) “Up all night,” Puma’s love song to Cookie #ThatsGame
(34) Drunk homeless witness dude: “wolf, lamb, leopard, goat – wait I meant LION!” So the street poet follows hip hop huh? #Ooookaaaaay
(35) Cookie came to dinner and gansta’d the head of the table. To Anika: “Go sit down there with your daddy and be a good little girl” / “I belong at the head of this table, this my family” #ClaimIt!
(36) Y’all check out Taraji’s arms! #Dope
(37) “And God, please do not withhold your blessings, even from ho’s that hire skanks to spy on me. In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN!” #BlessedByCookie
(38) Lucius is such an asshole but ‘Mal came back at him #YouOld
(39) The look on Lucious’ face when Jamal started singing, talk about a blast from the past #FlashbackTime #PumaWasntPlaying!
(40) Lucius “I own the song”, ummm shouldn’t Puma have mentioned that bit of information??
(41) Jamal to Lucious: ”How does it feel that your little girl could do something that you couldn’t?” #YouWashedUpDaddy
(42) “A bougie ho with a lot of money” #Debutante
(43) Raise your hand if you were thoroughly disturbed by that Naomi/Hakeem scene: “You’re my Mama” #ClutchesPearls #Whew! #HakeemGotIssues
(44) Lucious showed up at Jamal’s loft looking like King Jaffe Joffer #Zamunda
(45) Lucious talking about “these streets will eat your ass alive” – look that was true for you and Cookie, that is NOT true for your sons who are protected by your wealth. WHO WROTE THIS??
(46) Is Michael going to stick around now that Jamal is homeless? #Hmmmm
(47) Umm Lee, please end these looking directly into the camera shots. #Ugh
(48) Re the title of this episode, it’s a quote from Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice, this recap explores the meaning behind the use of this quote but I refuse to go there.
“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!”
(49) Bonus info: Did y’all know there was a US Senator named Lucius Lyon??!!?? 1800s #YepImANerd!