‘Empire’ Recap (S1:E8) – “The Lyon’s Roar” or “Jamal’s Coming Out Song” or “Lucious Need His A*s Beat” #YeahISaidIt

(1) Oooooooo check out blonde hair Cookie! #AllGoldEverything

(2) How is Lucius going to tell Cookie to not be nervous? Negro wouldn’t you be??? Hell you ain’t the one looking at a 17 year bid #HMPF!

(2.1) Awwww look at Baby Hakeem. He was so cute #WhatHappened? #Jokes

(3) Is Lucious singing?? Yep. Lord… #YoureSoBeautiful #HallwayCrooner He sang “got me watching you” – well that was a lie for a good 17 years now wasn’t it???? #IAintForgot

(4) Cookie luxuriating on Lucious’ bed, eating breakfast like “yep, this is where I belong.” #SatinSheets and #SweetTreats

(5) Cookie just told Lucious he could do a Cialis commercial and admitted that Lucious is the only to have had her “cookie” ever (wow but I guess it makes sense if she didn’t get none in the pen #IJS) and then Lucious admitted he’s been a hoe for YEARS but we already knew that didn’t we?

(6) Quote: “Get rid of fake ass Halle Berry! As long as she’s around I’m closed for business” PARTNA! #HerOrMe!

(7) Cookie to Lucious: “I’m gonna make you immortal baby. ‘Lucious Lyon Legacy’ #Concert #Documentary #RemakeSong #YouHakeemANDJamal. Cookie got ideas yo! Got the whole situation all the way planned out. That’s how you do it! #Bam (Sidebar: he can stop singing any day now, like ANY day now).

(8) Key quote: “You want Cookie’s nookie, ditch the b*tch” #SPEAK!!!

(9) Lucious is lying – he ain’t even ’bout to get rid of Kitty Anika #BelieveItWhenISeeIt

(10) Hakeem know church?? Say what now??? #JesusKnowHisHeart

(11) Hakeem got jokes talking about Jamal gon’ be in therapy in 25 years, you gon’ be right there with him, playa. Wait, is Hakeem trying to grow up? How long is this going to last? #Hmmmm

(12) And now we have the black Partridge Family. Oh wait I guess technically that was the Jacksons. Ok real talk, that scene was like cool in theory but hella corny in practice. #YouThoughtItToo

(13) So wait Andre doesn’t have ANY musical talent?? Like at all? He over there lurking in the shadows like some sociopath. Oh, wait, he IS tripolar #Business #Hood #SadClown

(14) Damn, on TV projects move fast. Jamal & Hakeem already talking about recording songs, Lucious is hiring a director with an accent #FullSpeedAhead!

(15) Lucious re Ryan: “That’s a man for you” #HeDontEvenKnow that man ’bout to be checking for your son #NotGonnaLikeDemApples

(16) Anika to Lucious: “You made my father commit fraud??” And THAT’S how Anika stays in the picture! “AND I know you slept with Cookie” – Lucious’ reaction was HYSTERICAL! This fool gon’ blame blowing Cookie’s back out on his ALS. #ICant!

(17) On this show Boo Boo Anika might not even make it to next weekend walking making threats and whatnot. #RememberBunkie

(18) How were you supposed to be included Andre? Do you hum? Play a mean harmonica? Cymbals? Wind chimes?? I think he likes being crazy.

(19) Rhonda look like she could be Jim Carrey’s daughter in that one movie #TheMask

(20) Wow so wifey gets pimped out as well?? E’rybody on this show is messy as hell. #EVERY #BODY

(21) Cookie re her “beef” with Hakeem – “He started it!” #Hilarious. Also, “miss me with that Dr. Phil shit” #True  (Sidebar: I think Terrence Howard might actually have a condition, not ALS but something. Can’t quite put my finger on what’s going on with him.)

(22) Hakeem: “You ain’t the boss of me and you like Jamal better” – maybe it’s because you are disrespectful spoiled BRAT! #YouThinkAboutThat??

(23) Word Cookie and Hakeem? Lucious goes all Iyanla Vanzant and just like that “y’all good”? #Oooookaaaaaay

(24) And just like that Ryan has a date with Jamal. Ryan: “Hey” / Jamal: “Hey” / Ryan: “Do you want to get a drink this Saturday?” / Jamal: “Yeah” #Simple

(25) Q. Is Ryan supposed to be the next Spike Lee? Gay Spike Lee I mean. “Your father is lucky to get me.” Boy what else have you done? #WhereYoCredits??

(26) Why does Lucious have that lollipop?? Did HE make that choice??? It doesn’t work. Stop it. Oh and now he has jokes about Jamal’s gayness? Saying those lyrics don’t really “suit” him?? “Type of song that makes a woman love a man” Aiiiiight Lucious #YouAnAsshole

(27) Quote: “Did you get rid of Fake Ass Lena Horne? No? Well then #NoNuckieFromCookie”

(28) Lucious faking, ain’t nothing wrong with him. See! There he go again using his ALS to his advantage. Smh. And of course he liked being slapped. I kinda want to turn the channel right now. (I didn’t but I thought about it, I’m mad at him) #HeAintNoGoodCookie!

(29) Wow Mr. Blakeley literally ROLLED in like “Heeeeeeeey Rhonda” #DoubleScotchPlease

(30) HA!!! Camilla/Naomi: “But Mother thinks you sound better” (Reminded me of Amber Rose talkin’ bout #MuvaGivesFacts) Continuing: “You don’t want me to be your mother anymore?” #Gag! She just said when Puff Daddy used to wear suits. First, they mentioned Puff, second when he “used to” wear suits #Comedy – y’all keeping Jay’s name out yo mouth huh?

(31) Rhonda is F*CKED UP! She LICKED her finger at the dinner table. #Woooow!

(32) I was waiting for Stephen Hawking to come up on this show. Did she say she doesn’t “like to see movies about kids on the short bus?” Damn girl!! I thought Rhonda was supposed to be the brains of this operation? How does she not know about Stephen Hawking?? AND then that’s who you use as a sedge way to SEX??? REALLY??? #ComeOnLeeDaniels #SideEye

(33) Clearly Rhonda is done #NoSexForYou. She was like I just can’t do it yo. The old man on the scooter was your limit huh? Woooow, she referred to herself as a “geriatric whore” #Geriatric #Whore

(34) So Cookie & Hakeem are like bosom buddies now? And then he just used that guilt ish to get her to have him go last. DON’T FALL FOR IT COOKIE! But her plum fur vest is BAD tho! Wear it MA!! #YAAASSSSS!!!

(35) So the DNA results came back for the lil cutie and it’s conclusive? That baby is yours Jamal? #JustClaimedHerToRyan

(36) There’s that word again, “sissy” so ALL homophobic black fathers refer to their gay sons as “sissies”? #Sigh

(37) Clearly Jamal and the family are full in re the little lady. Look at that adorable princess room. That child is just too d*mn cute with her pony tail and her little sweater and her little earrings and her little sneakers. #DamnMyOvaries! She is missing her mommy Jamal. Awwww this is such a cute moment with them #InTheJungle #OhWimoweh

(38) Cookie at the board meeting “It’s cold up in here” Hilarious!!! Is that really the only conference room in the entire office? Board meetings happen out in the open at all times??? #YallNeedMoreSpace

(39) DAYUM! Lucious did Andre DIRTY! Did they not talk about this beforehand? I bet they didn’t which was clearly a very stupid decision. Very. Stupid. #WTH

(40) Umm what is Jamal wearing? But Cookie’s white fur and ponytail are EVERY THING!! Q. Why did Cookie wait to have this convo now?? I thought there was supposed to be a collective pow wow about it. #Smh

(41) Awwwww sh*t! Look at fake Lena Halle Boo Boo Anika talking about “special announcements” – that’s a fly a*s dress she’s wearing #SaidBegrudgingly

(42) WTF is everyone having all these serious a*s convos right before the party?? #Sigh

(43) Got these cats looking like they are on their way to a Saudi wedding #Fashion

(44) Oooohhh a New Orleans theme. Okay that make scene. Y’all biting off Solange’s wedding?? #Jokes. Sidebar: there is always ONE background “actor” doing THE MOST #PartyScene

(45) Woooo-weeee check out Cookie’s assets #BamBam

(46) Cookie to Anika: “Yeah I hit that again, just last night” #BigReunion #WeMadeMusic “Congratulations, you look pretty.” #Burn!

(47) Rhonda you and Andre are a mess! It’s going to be kinda hard for you to check him on his drinking now, I mean someone should but after that scene you made at dinner…

(48) Alright maaaaybe Cookie didn’t have to go there since she and ‘Keem JUST got cool but she wouldn’t be Cookie if she didn’t deliver a verbal smack down on Camilla now would she? “Old Camilla” / “Auntie Camilla” / “Stay your tired ass away from my son” #YouTooOld #IWantGrandbabies #Plural

(49) Quote: “Ohhh I get it so Yoko Ono here wants to play on the song, too. Well what can you do Yoko? Can you play the tambourine??” Surprised Camilla/Naomi didn’t throw that clutch at her #YallKnowHowSheDo

(50) Cookie said I wish you HAD been one of my jail bird mates “you probably would have made a good b*tch for me. You look like you got a long tongue.” #Oh #My #Goodness! #ClutchesPearls!!

(51) And now Andre is having his serious convo with Vernon. Why are they JUST now talking? Told y’all Vernon didn’t holla at Lucious ahead of time. This is stupid #ICant

(52) Aaaannnd here’s another Lucious Lyon speech about music. How many have we had now? “Do it for the sake of the music” #MusicIsForever #TellYourTruth Careful what you ask for Lucious…

(53) See! I think Jamal is about to come out y’all! Well that outfit may have already did that… Un oooohhhhh – this ain’t gonna be good for everybody. And there it is – “It’s the kinda song that makes a man love a man” #ImGayYall!

(54) Surprised Lucious didn’t have a stroke right then and there. Vernon’s “wow” was funny. E’rybody clapping and happy but Lucious. #Hater

(55) Lucious came to work in a hat and dark glasses like his a*s is in mourning. #SoDramatic

(56) Vernon had to remind Lucious that he literally just kept his a*s outta jail on a murder charge?? Lucious talking about questioning Vernon’s loyalty. Negro WHAT??? Lucious needs to be checked #HeCrazyAsHell

(57) Wait, what?? The white woman is the problem??? Rhonda??? Is he serious??? He hates gays AND white women?? Anika is half white so WTF?? #I #CanNOT!

(58) Nah Andre it’s not because you’re smart, have degrees and apparently can’t carry a note, that ain’t it playa, it’s because you’re corny. Oh wait, maybe you were right, well at least as far as Lucious is concerned but I don’t think the rest of them feel that way.

(59) Lucious got A LOT of nerve, talking about Andre is trying to tear apart the family. As many times as he’s had your back?? Is the ALS destroying his brain cells already? Or has he always been this nuts??

(60) Brother moment in the kitchen between Hakeem and Jamal was nice: “You’re so brave” #Awwwwww

(61) Oh hell wtf is Andre about to do? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GEEZUS!! But seriously what the entire fuck??? #TheGreatPretender #HeIsCraaaaaazy #LikeFatherLikeSon

(62) Where is Boo Boo going?? To see Billie Beretti? Bish u bet not! Sidebar: She look fly as hell in that red and white tho, I’ll give her that much. #StillBegrudgingly

(63) Cookie just lied to Lucious’ FACE! TWICE!! “Did you say something to Anika? No. Are you lying to me now? No.” #IWouldLieToo #FckHim

(64) Lucious re Cookie: “It was a momentary weakness, will never happen again” / Cookie: “Nothing good can come from loving you, except for my kids.” Right!! #GirlYouBettaKnow #MalTriedToTellYou #HePoisonGirl #POISON!

(65) This ahole kills the Legacy album ’cause he mad? #ByeLucious

(66) Look at Taraji with no make up and her real hair. Looking like Annalise at the end of the day #AuNaturale

COMING UP: Estelle, Andre throwing pills away, Mary J. Blige, Snoop, JHud and PATTI!!

EMPIRE

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‘Being Mary Jane’ Recap (S2:E4) – “Sleepless In Atlanta” or “Niecy Was Dead A*s Wrong But MJ Don’t Fight Fair” #ThatsFamilyYo

Disney Kids!

(1) What is this struggle convo these youths are having? Cameron talking about wings and how his Treyvion’s head looks like his and Niecy is like #KanyeShrug #BabiesHavingBabies

(2) Mama Helen is so wrong, talkin’ bout Niecy probably out getting pregnant again. That woman is HARD!

(3) Look at MJ with a baby in her arms looking comfortable AND she got a scarf on – for reals! #AnnaliseWouldApprove

(4) Oooohhh so Mama Helen got mad cause Niecy stopped cooking. Well the girl WAS pregnant so it kinda makes sense if other folks were cooking FOR her. #ThatWomanIsCray

(5) So wait did Cameron smash those wings or did Niecy? She had a salad in front of her earlier. So we aint’ gon talk ‘about why/how he lost his scholarship? Wasn’t he a Disney kid too? #IHazQuestions

(6) Cameron was doing a lot of “hand acting”: “I thought (hands move out) I had to get in good (show emphais with hands) with you (point) so I (point) could see Treyvion (left arm points out)” #Sigh

(7) That Jhene Aiko song makes me think of very young, very frustrating “love” – all angsty and “woe is me” #IDontNeedYou #ButIWantYou #Youth #Sigh

(8) I was wondering who that woman was showing up at the door with that baby carrier. #BabyDaddysMama

(9) Treyvion was like “I wanna go with Belle!” #Waaaaa!

(10) Aiiiiiiight Regina King! I see you #DirectorCredit!

(11) Random woman re MJ: “I’m not a fan, she arrogant; states opinions, not facts; her clothes are too fly; she’s not relateable #Hmpf #FocusGroup

(12) Kara is WEARING that dress! #YAAASSSHunty! #TangerineDream!

(13) Greg is full of sh*t telling Kara not to tell MJ that her job is in jeopardy. That doesn’t even make any sense. I’m with Kara, why would you tell me this info and then tell me I can’t say anything to her about it. #NahB #SuperWACK!

(14) Gael is wearing a terrible jacket! Or maybe it just looks terrible on him. He is SUPER awkward. Like Ray Romano’s waaaaay less talented brother. She already said she can do dinner tomorrow dude, your confirmation annoyed me. Imma need him to be less ugh. #DoBetter!

(15) WTF??? WHY ARE THEY IN MJ’S BED!???!!! Niecy & Cameron need they asses BEAT! #JustTrifling!

(16) Niecy’s explanation to MJ: “You had all the good stuff recorded on your DVR” #GirlStopTalking

(17) MJ: “The duvet is the most expensive part” – I hear her but she soooooo sounded like a true bish right there and that look she gave her #Withering

(18) Self injections ain’t no joke. Wait was that water or liquor??? I’m going with liquor from the way she took it in. Heffa you ain’t supposed to be drinking during this process! #BadSignYo

(19) Glad she can now laugh about them two fools doing it on her duvet ’cause my jaw would still be tight. #TIGHT!

(20) MJ: “You are never going to attract more than how you feel about yourself” / Niecy: “You always trying to be deep” #LikeFreud #OrMamaAngelou

(21) Niecy CLAPPED BACK with a hard right jab!! “Oh u mean there’s more to life than ‘freezing your eggs and drinking tequila?’” #Boom!

(22) Which caused Letta to show up: “…and now you trying to come at me sideways about a drink?” #SheSaidSidewaysYall

(23) And Letta is an old pro at the clap back. This combo:  ”I’m a grown ass woman” / “Grown women have JOBS!” / “No matter blogs and reality shows say ‘baby mama is not a career’” / “I’m taking care of YOUR kids” / “You have no job, no skills and two mouths to feed!” / “Living with your ungrateful ass” / Oh you don’t like living here? “The sad thing is ain’t nuthing you can do to change it.” DAMN! MJ stay going for the jugular. #MeanHeffa #HeavyweightClapBackChamp #NotABragWorthyTitle

(24) Awww hell! They done brought Papa Shaft into this and then they kept up that crazy talk in front of him. #Smdh

(25) Niecy called MJ “Dragon Lady”! Wait or did she say “drunkard”? Whateves both work #CauseBothTrue

(26) Pops said “And If you drinking too much, stop it!” Seriously I loved that line! #JustCutThatShitOut!

Papa Shaft Ain't Trying To Hear It!

(27) MJ lying her ASS off about WHY those bottles are under her sink #CauseTheKids –  ”I have a drink to relax me” / “My mind be racing yo” / “Not to mention I have to be camera ready.” MJ is so unlikeable, like so very very very unlikeable #PayABillOnYourWayOut #DragonLady

(28) She does have a nice house tho… #ICovet

(29) Niecy didn’t even take time to pack up the toys, the playpen, nothing. She was like “I’M OUTTA THIS BITCH! #ByeAuntie!!! #WithYourCrazyAss

(30) That duvet IS beautiful but I still don’t think that room is a “showpiece” – her words, not mine. On another note, is MJ like Nene Leakes? Meaning she can’t recognize when she’s gone too damn far and now it’s time to apologize?? #Delusional

(31) Poor Niecy – I get that she has truly messed up (twice) but I’m with Pops, you don’t treat/talk to family like that.

(32) That dude giving MJ a foot rub seems like a nice guy but he is super weird looking right? #LanceIsHisName

(33) Look at Gary Dourdan looking all scholarly casual in that white jacket and Egyptian cotton white tee ensemble and his brown “horn rimmed” glasses. He really did just drop by the station like “hey what’s up” #PresumptuousMuch??

(34) Sherlock DeGrassi Sheldon DeWitt: “I was mediating this morning” #OfCourseYouWere

(35) LOVE MJ’s skirt #DesignerThreadsYo

(36) Shell D: “If this is you without sleep, I’m not complaining AND then he checked out her ass. He ain’t gay girl. #Naaaaah

(37) And now Mama Helen got that girl hiding out in her room. Also that was an odd sequence of shots. #???

(38) Kara jabbed the fck outta here with that needle #ShotShotShot!

(39) Okay that entire dinner exchange was GOD AWFUL! She arrives all harried. He WAS being a little ‘b*tchy’ about her late arrival: “Didn’t know 15 mins late meant 45 mins late, your drink is probably watered down.” But then she didn’t help matters with the whole lunch thing “it wasn’t set in stone” and “there you go with that Latino talk again”. Now I don’t think he had a sarcastic tone, I think the kitchen closing was helpful info but THEN he did get testy and now I’m back on her side. Fck it. He looks like a stalker so anyway #BuhBye

This entire exchange was terrible from start to finish

(40) I wanna like Mark but I kinda just don’t seem to be able to do so. She left out “totally crazy” when Mark asked her how she was doing and she said “somewhere between okay and totally lost”. Talking about she’s happy she has a job to distract her, maybe not for long boo, maybe not for long.

(41) She still has an old school answering machine or is that Siri’s cousin? She’s getting rid of the mattress?? The mattress from her bedroom? I thought they were only on the Duvet? I assume that is already in the trash can. But the entire mattress tho?? You can’t just flip that b*tch over? Get it cleaned??? Girl… #AMess

(42) Umm she is NOT supposed to be drinking! She’s been talking all that ish to Kara and Mark but once home #BottomsUp!

(43) See there she go again laying up in bed with no scarf, letting her hair rub up against that cotton. I don’t care if it is a high thread count, that is a HUGE no no! #BlackHair101 #EvenWithAWeave!

(44) ANOTHER drink?? Heffa do you want your eggs to have a chance or not??? #ThisGirl…

(45) She needs to read a book, watch a movie, get out her vibrator #BeProductive!

(46) I mean I figured it was DeNice but still no way in hell I’m answering an “unknown” number at that hour (whatever hour that was) #ItWasLateDamnit!

You cute but this is inappropriate | made w/ Imgflip meme maker

(47) I said he wasn’t gay earlier! Then again you didn’t see how he checked out your a*s so I get it. #AlphaMan

COMING UP: Un oh, the egg freezing didn’t go well… #Whelp #Shocker #TooMuchLiquorPerhaps???

BEING MARY JANE

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